Starting week 2. More fat = better attitude.

I made it through the first week and feel good about that. It was hard. The only cheat I had was a granola bar, and I didn't even really want it so I'm not sure what I was thinking. I am less hungry than when I first started and have evened out around a 15 block Zone. I feel a little low on energy but good overall. Not once this week have I felt weighted down or sluggish after a meal.

I met with Crystal yesterday and for the next two weeks she has switched me to a 15/12/24 protein/carb/fat block ratio. Basically, I am decreasing my carbs a little and increasing my fat. Today is the first day of that, and wow, all that fat really makes a difference. I am aiming for 4/3/6 block meals. I was able to make it from 8:30am-noon without being hungry at all. That is unheard of for me. I am eating lunch as I write this and am actually happy about my lunch:  2 1/2 cups steamed veggies (cabbage and greens), 2 oz turkey, 4 oz tofu, 6 tbsp avocado. That's almost a whole avocado.

With more fat allowed, I can eat more nuts and more almond butter too. This is such a relief because I don't need to be constantly fighting hunger this way.  I am motivated for week 2 and am excited to get a little more creative with trying out new recipes. I joined Johnson's Backyard Garden CSA and just got my first box of veggies this week so I have lots of new things to try.

Day 5. The worst is over.

I am getting into a routine where I eat a lot of the same foods over and over. Hmmm. And a lot of meat. A lot. Overall I am feeling better than I have been in the last 4 days. My energy is coming back and I am not completely starving all the time, though I am never truly full. I am able to function in life and do workouts on this. My run today was good. It amazes me how quickly I have gotten used to eating literally HALF as many calories as I was eating before.  My only vice in life now is oatmeal, which really isn't too bad :)

Changing my diet like this is bringing up childhood issues about food and sticking points that I have held onto for a long time. Coming out of a past where food deprivation was an issue, I am able to reverse that psychologically by eating a lot as an adult and then justifying it by working out a lot. With this diet, the portion sizes are small but I am becoming very aware of the basics of what my body truly needs outside of any mental hooks I have. I am forced to comfort myself in ways other than with food, ultimately with things that are more therapeutic anyway. There has been a wall holding me back from getting to the next level of performance and I think these issues are it. 

Today's food log:
7:30am: 1 egg+4 whites, 1 cup oatmeal, 9 almonds
10:00am: 12 almonds, 1 sweet potato
11:30am: 6oz tilapia, 1 small apple
1:15pm: 4 cups spinach, 4 oz turkey
4:00pm: 1 cup oatmeal, 1 tsp almond butter
*5:30-7:30pm: 5.5 mile run (44min), Crossfit class
6:30pm: 6 almonds
8:00pm: 4 cups spinach, 2 cups broccoli, 1/2 cup salsa, 4 oz turkey
9:00pm: 3 tbsp avocado, 1 small apple
ZONE TOTALS:  15 protein, 14 carb, 14 fat

Day 4. Solid.

Every day is a little easier. Today I managed my food well and ended up with a solid 14 block day and only mild hunger, no bonking. I talked with a friend at the gym that told me that my adaptation to Paleo/Zone may be like an adaptation to the "Master Cleanse"... first couple of days are rough with detox but then you feel great. Today one way I managed my hunger was by drinking water with lemon juice during work. That stuff really fills me up and tastes more interesting than regular water. Since that's the only thing you can eat during the master cleanse, there really may be some parallel going on.

Another note to self, I should not write blog posts during a bonk as I did last night. No doubt they are going to come up really negative and cranky. Ha.

Today's Food Log:
7am: 1egg+4 whites, 1 cup cooked oatmeal, 9 almonds.
10am: 6 oz turkey, 12 almonds
1:00pm: 1 1/2 sweet potato, 2 tbsp avocado, 1 small apple
3:30pm: 3/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 cup cooked oatmeal, 6 walnut pieces.
5:15-6:30pm: Spin class with lots of hill work, tough workout but felt well-fueled.
6:45pm: 1 small apple
7:15pm: 4 cups kale, 2/3 cup onion, 2 cups cabbage, 4 oz. tilapia, 1 tsp almond butter.
ZONE TOTALS: 14.5 protein, 14.5 carb, 14 fat

I am still fine-tuning this thing but I tend to eat all the same foods all the time.  Fruits are only supposed to be eaten around workouts, veggies are always good but I'm not always in the mood for them, so that leaves basically sweet potatoes and the "unfavorable" oatmeal as my only carb possibilities.  It's not easy to go overboard on carbs with this plan. It's very easy to go overboard on fat though... who can get out the almond butter and just eat 1 teaspoon? Seriously.

Third day. Better but still starving.

This is day 3. The day started out ok but it's evening now and I am struggling. I am starving. I am sick of meat and greens. I am dying for a normal meal with normal size portions where I feel a satisfying full. I want to learn how to get by on less food. I want to be healthy. This transition hurts as much as the peak of Ironman training or the last 6 miles of the Ironman run. This is an endurance event in accepting hunger pain and fighting through. Emotionally it is hard. Here's today's log.

7:45am: 2/3 cup oatmeal, 4 egg whites+1 egg, 2 cups spinach, 2/3 cup onion, 9 almonds. I felt empty but not starving when I woke up.

9:30am: 1/2 sweet potato. Fuel extra for the workouts.

10-11am:  Run 7 miles at Town Lake. 58:30. Solid effort and felt pretty good other than sore legs from all the recent crossfit workouts I have done.

11:15am: 1 small apple. In the car on the way to the gym.

12-1pm: Spin class. Intense intervals but I couldn't give it my 100% because I was starting to get very hungry and light-headed.

1pm: 1 small apple

2:00pm: 2 cups spinach, 3 oz turkey, 2 cups mixed veggies, 3/4 cup cottage cheese.

2:45pm: I am completely starving and my stomach hurts in a painful kind of way. I am really craving a full meal with some real carbs other than greens.

3-4pm: Nap. Making time go by....

4:30pm: 2 oz turkey, 2 tbsp avocado, 2/3 cup oatmeal. My stomach still hurt but this helped me feel better. The oatmeal gives me some comfort.

7:00pm: 3 tbsp avocado, 4 cups kale, 1/3 cup onion, 4 oz tilapia. I am pleasantly hungry but not in pain anymore.

7:30pm: Dinner is over and I'm already close to a 15 block day. My stomach is having those shooting pains again. I am at 1122 total calories. I have done 2 hours of intense cardio today. On this diet we are not supposed to be counting net calories but I can't help it... I'm at about 200 for the day.... is that even enough for normal organ functions? Is this what the carb detox is supposed to feel like? Is my body going to adapt or is it just going to shut down? I'm going to either lose a pound every two days or crash and burn on this diet. In order to get through this I am visualizing the lean body I want to have.  Dara Torres, Lisa Bentley, I see you in my mind. 10 minutes off my marathon time with no extra training, I see you in my mind.

9:00pm: 1 tsp almond butter, 1 grapefruit, 1 cup cottage cheese. I couldn't make it without a bedtime snack.

ZONE TOTALS TODAY: 19 protein, 14.5 carbs, 17 fat.

I have made it through the weekend but I am worried about the week. On the weekend I had free access to my kitchen at all times. I am scared to get caught in a situation where I am away from home and am completely bonked out feeling sick and I can't eat anything from any restaurant or cafe. Paleo meals are delicious but they take time to prepare. Other than 3 almonds, I have no idea what to grab in case of a "food emergency". I need to figure that out.

Day 2 - I can do this.

Today was much better than yesterday. I spread the food out more evenly and ate more overall. Every day is a work in progress. I have more confidence that I can do this.

8:30am: 2/3 cup oatmeal, 1 egg+ 4 whites, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1 tsp almond butter. I felt hungry but ok waking up this morning.

9:30-10:30am: One hour trail run. Decent workout but I didn't feel fresh and my stomach was getting rumbly.

10:30am: 1 small apple. In the car on the way to the gym.

11-11:30am: Crossfit workout - DB snatch and pushups, then 100 situps. I was starting to get light-headed but made it through the workout.

11:45am: 1 cup mixed berries, 1 scoop protein, 9 almonds. Smoothie!

12:30pm: 2 cups spinach, 1 cup cabbage, 2/3 cup onion, 4 oz turkey, 3 tbsp avocado, 1 small apple.

4:00pm: 1/4 cup greek yogurt, 1 cup strawberries. Mid-afternoon bonk. I got caught away from home and not prepared with snacks. Mo put together this Paleo snack for me :)

6:00pm: 5 oz turkey, 2 cups spinach, 1 cup cabbage, 1 cup snowpeas, 1 sweet potato, 2 tbsp avocado, 6 almonds. Extra large dinner since I didn't eat much since lunch.

9:30pm: 2 tsp almond butter, 1 small apple, 2/3 cup oatmeal.

**Zone Total for the day: 15 protein, 17 carb, 16 fat **

I am happy I could get in a decent run today. I was hungry but not painfully so. I think I was still hungry from yesterday. My dinner and lunch was turkey cooked with a bunch of veggies and spices was totally delicious. Now that I've got almond butter in the house, it's hard too not eat too much. That stuff is amazing. I am going to have fun finding more new Paleo recipes to try.

day 1 paleo/zone sucked

I just finished my first day of eating Paleo/Zone and here's the report.

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7am: 1 egg+ 4 egg whites, 2/3 cup oatmeal, 9 almonds.

7:30am: bike to work - 30 minute easy ride.

10am: 3oz turkey, 2tbsp avocado, 3 almonds.

11am: I am starting to get hungry but need to wait until 12:30.

12:10: 4 cups spinach, 2 cups mixed veggies, 9 walnut halves, 4.5 oz cod. I was so hungry I couldn't concentrate on work anymore. Had to eat early. This meal was big but not totally satisfying.

2:30pm: My stomach is rumbling and I am getting a mild headache from hunger.

2:52pm: Shooting pains in stomach and headache from hunger. Leaving work.

3pm: Bike home from work - 30 minute easy ride but I am working to hold it together to concentrate. So hungry. Lots of negative thoughts.

3:30pm: 1 cup blueberries, 1 scoop whey protein, 2/3 cup oatmeal.  This helped the hunger a little but it felt like just drinking a big glass of water to fill my stomach but not give any sustenance.

4pm: I don't know if I can make it to dinner. Taking a nap will make time pass. Nap 4-5:30.

5:30pm: Complete emotional meltdown. I am so hungry it hurts. I need food. Questioning goals. Questioning this extreme caloric restriction. Time to get online... internet research suggests that this 12 block Zone prescription is way too low for my body size and activity level. I feel better knowing that.

6pm: Small apple, 3 almonds. Snack while making more food.

7pm: 5 cups cooked cauliflower, 4 oz turkey. Ok, my stomach is full now.

9:12pm: I am starving again. The stomach pains are starting.

9:30pm: 1 sweet potato, 2 tsp almond butter. I am full and ready to have this food day be over.
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Today's total:  14 blocks protein, 15 blocks carbs, 16 blocks fat.
I probably would have died on the calories in 12 blocks (960). I barely made it as is.

What I learned today is that jumping in to Zone and Paleo at the same time is too much change. It would be better to get a handle on Paleo first and then build Zone into it. I am not sure about eating this much meat and so many eggs (cholesterol and inflammation?) but I think I will learn to be ok without the grains as long as I can still have small amounts of oatmeal.

With Zone it is strange to have to measure and count how many veggies I eat. Usually I just call veggies free and don't worry about eating unlimited amounts. Also, the concept of 3 almonds as a serving seems silly... 3??  I couldn't do any real workouts on this little amount of food so I need to figure out a Zone block prescription that will work better.

Tomorrow I am going to try an 18 block day to see if it will support a normal weekend training routine. Today was day 1 and it did suck as predicted but I am ready to make day 2 better.

Going Paleo and facing fears

Amsterdam Marathon post-race meal....

the only food around: chicken sandwich and fries.

It was hard to eat well while traveling.

I finished up my 2009 training season with the Amsterdam marathon two weeks ago and am now in a "rest and recovery" phase. I put that in quotes because although I have cut back on running, I am now getting a chance to ride my bike again, and most excitingly for me, I am back at CrossFit hammering away on the strength workouts. It's also a great time for me to work on my diet since I am not as concerned with workout quality now. If I have any changes in energy levels, I can just roll with how I am feeling.

So, tomorrow I am starting the Paleo/Zone diet. For the past 18 months I have been experimenting with the amount of meat and dairy I eat to see how to optimize my body composition and performance. So far I have not been able to get below 19% body fat. A typical healthy clean omnivore diet with grains was good at first and then I started to gain weight. I saw huge performance gains when I switched to a vegan diet but then plateaued and began to go downhill after about 4 months. Neither of those diets were completely sustainable over the long-term for me.

CrossFit people swear by this Paleo/Zone combo thing, so that's my next plan of attack. It's a 40/30/30 carb/protein/fat ratio, with emphasis on fruits, veggies, nuts, and meat. It's actually going to be a lot like the Engine 2 vegan diet, except with meat and fish added. I'm choosing not to eat any dairy other than eggs.

The hardest thing about this for me is going to be cutting out the grains. Giving up my morning oatmeal is going to be a bit traumatic. This challenge feels almost more daunting to me than Ironman training. There is probably a reason I have done two Ironmans, but have never been able to optimize my diet. This is about facing my deepest fears and learning to be ok without the comfort that I am used to getting from certain foods. I am ready to do it. 100% or nothing.

Nutrition coach Crystal Nelson of CrossFit Central is going to keep me on track. She says the first three days will be very hard, the first week will be challenging, but after two weeks my body will be used to the change and I will start to see the benefits.

2008 Race Schedule

Feb 3 - 3M Half Marathon - Austin
March 7-8 - Fayetteville Cycling Stage Race - 2x 40+ mile road race, 6 mile TT - Fayetteville TX
April 13 - Texas State Triathlon - Sprint distance - San Marcos TX
April 21 - Boston Marathon - Boston MA
May 13 - Tuesday Night Bike TT - 8 miles - Austin
May 17 - Austin Triathletes Open Water Swim - 2.4 miles - Austin
May 25 - CapTex Triathlon - Olympic distance - Austin
June 8 - Danskin Triathlon - Sprint distance - Austin
June 28 - Keep Austin Weird 5K Run - Austin
July 20 - Door County Triathlon - Half Ironman - Door County WI
Sept 7 - Ironman Wisconsin - Madison WI

balance and focus

Sometimes I feel like I am a hamster running on a never-ending wheel. I get up early to get to my first workout then work, eat, nap, do errands, eat, do another workout, get myself organized for the next day, then crash into bed. Some days are completely scheduled in order to make sure I get everything done. I stress and worry. It is a major challenge to balance all this stuff and still having time to reflect on life and enjoy that I am living it exactly how I want to. I mean, I get to get up on a beautiful sunny morning and go on a long bike ride when everyone else is commuting to the office.

Things can get to feeling out of control. Today I tried some new ways to go about the day and was successful. First I did my long bike ride and focused on going hard during the hard parts and easy during the easy parts. I went into it determined to do my best. I came home and set aside a large chunk of the day to be uninterrupted work time. This meant no web surfing or checking email. Nothing but work during work time. After work time I rewarded myself with a nap, a nice dinner, and some relaxation. I knew I had this coming so it made it easier to work. For my eating, I made sure to get in all my calories before 7pm. I don't like to go to bed feeling too full.

The key to today was to focus during focus time and then relax the rest of the time. I found that I had less stress and worry when I stayed on task. Finding balance in juggling everything works a lot like those bike intervals.

my own real bed

I have a new bed. A real bed with a mattress, box spring, frame, and nice sheets. Queen size. And it's really comfortable. I have not had my own real bed for a long time. I have been sleeping on couches, futons, guest beds, hotel beds, and the floor for over a year now. It is really nice to have my own bed. This is one of those things that I didn't know I missed so much until now.


Here I am 15 minutes after running Boston. 5 minutes after it I was not doing so well. It's amazing what a bottle of water and some potato chips can do.
More Boston photos on my Flickr account.

thoughts during a marathon

What do I think about during a marathon? Several people have asked me this in the past couple of days....

• I break it down into mile repeats and think of it as 26 x 1 mile. 1 mile is easy.
• I get into a rhythm of counting my steps up to 10 over and over
• I look at something ahead and tell myself to run to that. Then I pick a new spot.
• I make a game of seeing how many people I can pass
• I imagine myself as an Olympic runner, running effortlessly with perfect form
  
• I imagine myself as a gazelle running through the forest
• At Boston I thought about my virtual cheerleaders one mile at a time
• I think about the perfect delicious meal that I will have when I am done
• I think how grateful I am to have two good strong legs that let me run races
• I think about how in this moment I don't have to worry about anything but running

And sometimes I think:

• I am really tired. I don't know if I can make it. Yes you can make it. You do not give up.
  
• Wow, my legs hurt. I am not going to be able to walk for a week after this.
  
• Why do I do this again?
• That slick looking Boston marathon jacket will make this pain all worth it.
• It's no wonder the first runner of the marathon in Greece died after running... this is no joke

But I try to push those thoughts away pretty quickly and get back to the more positive ones.

boston-mania

I ran the Boston marathon! I heard it was a tough course and it was. My plan was to start out at a 9 minute pace and then monitor my body throughout in order to decide if I would pick up the pace or not. I wasn't sure if my recovering hip injury would be an issue or not. My goal was to get to the finish line, enjoy the experience, and pace myself well enough to run the last three miles. My injury has had me running in the water for the last 6 weeks so I was not sure how things would go. I knew my aerobic engine was up to the task but I was not so sure about my legs.

The first half was easy and felt good. It was a joy to be out running a long run again for the first time in a while. Then fatigue and soreness started and it got to be less of a joy. The downhills had my quads exhausted by mile 17. I actually enjoyed the uphills and loved Heartbreak Hill because it was so long. It gave me a good chance to use all my strength from muscles other than my quads and I passed a lot of people on the uphills.

There were more spectators out there than at any race I have ever done. It was pretty much completely insane. People were cheering for nearly the entire 26 miles, and in the last 4 miles people were about 3 deep on both sides. At some points I kind of just wished for a quiet moment to find peace and get in my groove. I had to find my groove amidst people screaming in my ears. The last 5 miles were quite torturous as I worked hard to just get one foot in front of the other. My legs were not happy. I managed to keep a fairly steady pace by working extremely hard at the end. I fought to get in under four hours and I came in dead on 4:00:34. The last half mile up to the finish line was pure happiness. I felt no pain. I smiled and felt proud to have run the whole race. Just a few weeks ago I was doing 3 min run/1 min walk intervals to try to heal. I am healed and I ran smart. I feel really proud of how I am learning to deal with challenges and make things positive.

Now, let's rest up and bring on the core of Ironman training.

perfect race at aquarena

My first triathlon of the year could not have gone any better. I was organized, calm, my nutrition worked, and I focused to go hard. Everything went according to plan. I ended up first in my age group (30-34) and second female overall. This is the best I have ever placed in a triathlon. To top it off, I had the fastest female bike time of the day and I set a PR for my 5K run. This was a huge confidence builder and a great way to kick off the season. Clearly I have been doing something right. It's only April.

Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/austinmo/sets/72157604539743482/
[Thanks Mo!]

sprint triathlons are fun

I'm doing my first triathlon of the season tomorrow: the Texas State Sprint Tri at Aquarena - 500m swim, 14mi bike, 3mi run. Sprint triathlons are fun because they are like mini versions of the longer ones. Getting done in around 1:15, they are shorter than most of my typical weekday workouts. You go through all the motions so they are good to use as dress rehearsals for longer races. I want to get all the glitches worked out before CapTexTri in May so that that more important race is not my first. I got all my stuff organized yesterday so I can relax a little today and not have to worry about that. Above is a photo of everything. I am so excited to be racing on a Felt B2 that I am borrowing from the bike shop. It is lightening fast and a joy to ride. I wrote up my race plan so I know what I'm doing for the race and I think I'm ready to nail it.

gearing up for boston

I'm gearing up to run the Boston Marathon in two weeks. I qualified last year and delayed one year but I am really going to do it this time. Since I am recovering from a hip/IT band/knee issue, it may be more of a run/walk than a run, but I am going to go the distance no matter how long it takes. Mostly I am going for the experience of it, plus I will get to watch the women's Olympic marathon trials while I am there. I figure that I put in the hard work to qualify, so it's ok if I just go out and enjoy myself at Boston.

It's weird how I set huge goals for myself and then when I reach them it is hard to believe that I actually did. Life keeps going and it's so easy to immediately start thinking about the next goal without really enjoying my successes. Delaying Boston a whole year has given me time to let that one sink in... like, oh maybe I am a pretty decent runner. If I did Boston fast, there would be less time to enjoy being part of it. So I'd say that's the biggest positive thing about being injured: more time out on the course getting loved by spectators :)

my first road race

I did my first cycling road race last weekend... and I made it through! It was a two-day stage race with a 46 mile road race and 6.6 mile time trial on Saturday, and a 49 mile road race on Sunday. The Fayetteville Texas Stage Race. It was a huge victory for me to even get there, much less stick out the tough times through the three events. Last summer I was totally averse to riding with people, and never imagined that I would do a bike race. I was happy riding by myself to train for triathlon biking. I realized that I need to ride with faster riders to be a faster rider. I train my swimming like a swimmer, and my running like a runner. No doubt that explains why those are my strengths (and maybe my naturally long limbs). This year I am doing what it takes to make biking a strength too.

Ok, so the race itself. I went in with the strategy in the mind to just stay towards the front of the pack and stay on someone's wheel. Well, this is good unless you can't do it. We started off slow, so slow that I wondered if I had it in the bag. I had no idea how fast Cat 4 riders ride. When we got to the first massive hill, a few riders put it down and started to sprint. I was in the front and quickly fell to the back, and then dropped off the back. I was not expecting that sprint and sprinting up a steep hill is tough. They kept going and I had to give it everything I had to get back with them. It took a mile or two, so that was a huge effort expended. While I was sprinting, they were resting. When they took off again, I was spent and couldn't catch up again. I rode the rest with a few others who were dropped and then by myself. It was a good learning experience. I didn't let it get to me. The time trial was no big deal, since I am used to that. The road race the next day was more of the same, but I was able to stay with the pack for a few more surges because I was anticipating them. I knew I had to be ready to go 100% at any moment. Again though, I rode most of the day by myself.

Did I have fun? Hmmm. I guess so, but some parts weren't very much fun. I know these will make me a better rider and a stronger rider mentally. So in that sense, it was a satisfying experience to learn a new way to get better. I will do more races. In fact, I am planning to do another one in two weeks. Maybe I will have more fun when I get strong enough to do more than just fight to stay alive. Cycling is a grueling sport. Weak people need not apply.

5 tips for optimal athlete diet

Every day is a work in progress. That's good because if I mess up one day I can try again the next. There are a lot of days. Right now I am trying to optimize my diet for training. My diet is already very healthy but I need to make a few tweaks. The most important thing is that I need to make sure I get 30% of my calories from protein.

My biggest challenges in having an optimal diet as I see it are: 1) getting the right caloric ratio while being a vegetarian other than eating fish (sorry little salmon swimming in the sea!) 2) not overeating when I am stressed out or bored. Things working in my favor are: 1) my body has a keen sense of telling me when it needs food 2) I already have gotten out of the habit of eating large meals 3) I love fruits and vegetables 4) I know my workouts suffer when I eat junk.

I am a fan of Gordon Byrn, triathlete and coach, and consulted his website to see if I could get any advice on this stuff. I found a good article where he broke down optimal eating into five "simple" tips. They sound simple at least.

1) Eat real food only.
In other words, if it does not occur in nature, don't eat it. Sounds good. I usually only buy real foods, but do veggie burgers occur in nature? I'd like to think that they would be considered "lightly processed" and thereby acceptable.

2) No refined sugar after 2pm.
Interesting. Challenging but managable. I'll just have to eat all the late night chocolate bars for lunch instead :) jk.

3) No bread, cereal, or pasta.
Whoa. We are bringing out the big guns now. These foods bring me happiness. If I give them up, what will I look forward to in life? It will have to be a gradual cut back with some cheating allowed every once in a while.

4) Only use sports nutrition products for workouts over 2 hours. For shorter workouts, use water and bananas.
I can handle that. I get sick of that stuff when I eat it too much anyway. Gels, bars, and powdered drinks definitely do not occur in nature. Bananas are cheaper too.

5) Eat lean protein at every meal.
That's a good strategy. It just requires some planning to make sure I have the right foods on hand.

What now? I am going to work on these one at a time. It is never a good idea to introduce too many new things at once. #1 is done. #2 and #4 won't be too hard. #3 and #5 will be the hardest. I am going to focus this week on #5 and see how I do.

appreciating the basics

I have been struggling to find a sense of peace in myself lately. I blame myself and then don't know what to do to make things better. I know what is wrong but it seems overwhelming and scary to make some necessary changes. I have been living a dream life with the flexibility that a lot of people wish for. I can be anywhere with my job, I can work the hours that I want, it pays me a comfortable salary, and I have the freedom to play in the middle of the day on weekdays doing whatever I want. What is the downside to this? Sometimes there is so much freedom that I feel like I am flailing all over the place and am not grounded in anything or even in myself.

Now that I have a steady place of my own to live, I am beginning to feel much more calm. I have my own part of a nice house with my own bathroom, and I live with a cool roommate who I just met. I'm in a nice part of Austin that I like. I found this on Craigslist. I love Craiglist because I am discovering that it can be used to solve nearly any problem in life. I have been living out of my car and a backpack for a while so I can't believe how grateful I am to just be able to leave all my stuff in one place. And I am grateful to have lots of kitchen space to put my food, all my food and workout food.

Shelter, food, clothing... check. Now that those are in order in my life I can begin to get back to other things, like finding inner peace and getting out to see new things in Austin. I am feeling optimistic.

----
Happiness log for today: making all my speed intervals in my swim workout, biking hwy 360 on a perfect sunny day, fresh legs after a rest day, Kashi TLC Honey Almond Flax bars

start a happiness log

I was surfing the web and came across Oprah's interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love. I enjoyed that book, especially since I am on my own trip of self-discovery like hers right now. Liz had a few great suggestions on how to come to balance within yourself without requiring any travel. My favorite was to keep a "Happiness Log" where everyday you write down one or a couple of things that made you happy that day. She said that you see that there are recurring themes in the list and then it becomes very clear what makes you happy. Then you go from there in bringing more of those things into your life.

For me today, two things stand out: the breathtaking views of Austin seen while heading north on 620 on my bike, and my breakfast - oatmeal with bananas.

bike shops with attitude

I'm not sure what is up with this, but I am coming to the conclusion that in towns that have biker-friendly culture and multiple bike shops, there is always at least one bike shop with attitude. These are usually shops that sell high end bikes and cater to serious cyclists. They bring the snootiness of road racing to the shop.

The shop in Madison WI with attitude, which I will call CM, can be intimidating to even go into. I once went there for a fitting and left feeling bad because my bike was not a $5000 custom frame. The fitter and owner of CM asked me how many miles I rode each week and was skeptical of my answer... were my quads not big enough or what?

The shop in Austin with attitude that I just discovered (ATC) was similarly annoying. I certainly know my stuff about bikes and bike parts these days, but had my needs and knowledge questioned. I asked him about aero-helmets and he was reluctant to even get them off the shelf for me to see, and then he discouraged me from buying one. Then I told him I was thinking of getting a Felt DA frame this year and he proceeded to tell me that it is not a fast bike and I should get a Cervelo P3C instead. I told him I have various reasons for being dead set against a Cervelo, and he proceeded to try to convince me and even brought out the binder with wind test results to try to prove to me that the Felt DA is not fast. He doesn't consider that it doesn't matter how fast that P3C is if it doesn't fit me well. I left ATC with a bad taste in my mouth and will not return.

Why do these shops make a whole bunch of assumptions about where you fit in the cycling heirarchy? I like to shop at places that want to help me meet my goals, not those who make me justify my existence or are just plain discouraging. Yay for friendly bike shops!

Friendly bike shops:
Jack and Adams - Austin
Willy Bikes - Madison
Revolution Cycles - Madison
Bike Barn - Santa Barbara

Sometimes friendly bike shops:
Nytro - Encinitas
Bike Works - Kona