state of my three month goals

I am just over halfway through the time period set to accomplish my last set of 3 month goals. It's time to assess where I am at with each of these.

1. Run faster:  I thought this one would be the easiest, but it I am actually having the least success with this goal of the three. My hip joint has a nagging dysfunction and now it is painful to run at all. I don't know if this was caused by running the gnarly trail half marathon or by overdoing the crossfit. I'm working on it with chiropractic and PT but right now I can't run at all. This is depressing and hard. The races I had planned are probably not going to happen.

In the meantime I am doing a lot of biking and swimming, and crossfit as my body will allow. I have decided to do Ironman Coeur d'Alene in June after all because it seems that a hard running season is not to be for me this year.  I am still working on the leaning out/eating paleo thing, which is an indirect part of the run faster goal, and am seeing some progress there.

not there yet but someday....

2. Save money for a house. This is going extremely well. I am on track as planned and have had a business opportunity come my way that will most likely make buying a house possible this year.

3. Laugh and smile more. This is going well too. Doing frivolous things is good. I have noticed that when I make the effort to smile more it becomes a way of being. Hard personal issues roll off me easier when I have a steady state of happiness within. Allowing myself to have fun has also led the way for me to start getting reacquainted with playing bass and guitar, and to take a literature class. I am not running as much but I am spending a lot more time reading books. Life feels rich and full when I make space for art and creative pursuits.

Setting these three goals has opened me up for working on a lot of things all at once. There is a lot of movement happening right now.

current goal = stop making goals

It's been one month since I set my three three-month goals: run faster, save money, and smile and laugh more.

I am smiling and laughing more. I am letting myself be more free and less chained to my workout and food regimes. Actually the food is not seeming like a regime now that I am used to it. I'm cooking new recipes all the time. My latest discovery is that you can pretty much cook any vegetable until it's soft and then puree it into a soup. This is good happy comfort food. I starting swimming again and am falling back in love with it. I'm not even looking at my watch, just moving through the water. I'm not using a workout plan, just going with how I feel each day. I got an iPhone and am having a blast playing with it. It's the ultimate swiss-army knife of all time. I'm reading fiction books and watching movies and playing music. I'm socializing. It's been a long time since life has been this stress-free.



Saving money. Yes, my bank account is growing. Saving money feels kind of like being on a diet. When I want to buy something that is at all a luxury, I think to myself - do I really need that? Then I envision my future house to make that decision.

Running faster. Hmmm. Not sure. My hip is injured right now and I haven't run in a week. I know all this rest is a good thing. I can't remember the last time I did not have muscle soreness or some ache and pain so it is really a novelty to feel this fresh. It may end up being one step back to take two steps forward with running this winter.

Captain Vegetable

This is my theme song.

i didn't want the bread

Last night was the season finale of The Biggest Loser tv show. Liz, one of the contestants and finalists, said that during the first week she told the producers that she wanted to go home because she didn't think she could do it. She didn't think she could handle the grueling 6-8 hours of working out per day that the contestants do in order to drop around 100 pounds or more in 12 weeks. The producers wouldn't let her leave the show. She said that she struggled a lot for the first few weeks but by week 4 she got into her groove and realized that she could do it. She made it to the end of the show. What an amazing and empowering feeling to have that realization that your goal is attainable.

It struck a chord with me, because that is exactly how I feel about this whole Paleo diet and leaning out thing I am doing. I wanted to quit on the second day but I didn't. I had many doubts in the first two weeks. Now I am in week 5 and I feel confident that I can keep up my modified Paleo eating plan indefinitely. I like how I am eating and see no need to go back. I don't even want the cheat meal that Crystal, my nutritionist, told me I should have. I ordered a sandwich without bread yesterday and didn't even miss the bread. Yes seriously, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT THE BREAD.

In just one month I have come a long way. I eat less and am starting to let go of childhood baggage about needing to hoard food when I can get it in case I don't get enough. I will get enough. There is plenty of food and I trust myself to get what I need. I no longer have the low blood sugar light-headed hunger episodes that make me panic in my state of dizziness. True hunger is the stomach rumbling kind and I honor that. Stomach rumbling hunger is not an instant mood emergency that requires me to stop what I am doing to get food. I am no longer a slave to carbs.

I have lost three pounds (putting me at 140 and 5'8") and I feel good. I have energy for my workouts and am running as fast as ever.  In fact, I ran my track repeats at a 6:25/mile pace today which I think is pretty much the fastest my legs have ever gone. I am on the path.

30 days of Paleo

Tomorrow is day 30 of eating Paleo. It's been a long journey in those 30 days. I started this as Paleo with Zone portions, had a lot of experimentation in the middle, and am ending it as Paleo plus gluten-free grains and no Zone. I have tried some things that don't work for me, tried some things that work very well, and had some surprising realizations about my digestive system along the way.

1. Gluten-free is the way to go even if I can tolerate gluten. 
I had a hard time giving up grains in the beginning, but now when I eat them I notice that I feel a little bloated and gassy. I was so used to that feeling before that I never noticed it because that was how I felt after every meal. The more grains I eat at a meal now, the worse I feel. This really surprises me. Gluten-free grains like quinoa, cornmeal, and brown rice seem to be better than stuff with wheat. Even oatmeal feels kind of yucky if I eat more than a very small amount at once.

I don't want to give up grains completely because I feel like my workouts and recoveries are better when I am incorporating small amounts of them. This is one area where I'm not going to be 100% Paleo.

2. Fat!
Doing the Zone portions forced me to incorporate more fat. This made me realize that I was hardly eating any fat at all before. Now I eat nuts, seeds, and avocados on a regular basis, usually a small amount with every meal. Almonds, walnuts, pecans, nut butters, Sunbutter(!), and homemade tahini dressing, and mashed avocado mixed with hot sauce are some of my new favorites.

3. Focus less on food and more on living
I have become very much in tune with the fact that a lot of my extra eating was happening when I was bored, lonely, or stressed. The Zone forced me to eat so much less food than I was used to that I learned how to spread it out through the day so I would last until bedtime. I learned that I can survive on a lot less than I thought I needed.

Although I will always love food, I am learning to stop having my life revolve around it and doing other things instead. I eat and then get out of the kitchen. When I think I want food, I do a quick body check-in - am I hungry or is it really something else? There are a lot of times when it is something else. As an alternative I drink some water, make tea, or have a piece of gum.

What am I doing to fill my time that I used to spend eating? Reading, sleeping, playing cello, learning the didgeridoo, working extra, exploring new trails in Austin, or just relaxing and enjoying quiet peaceful time.

My diet is always a work in progress but these 30 days were a great experience. I am happy with all I have learned about types of foods to eat and portions. I feel like I am back on track with my diet and am in a much better place with food in my head. I'll continue to eat this way but you know, it's just food :)  Now that this is in the bag, onto my running goals.

it's just food

It's just food. It's what keeps us going through the day. It's just that and yet so much more. As I have been paying so much attention to my food and trying to optimize it, I have come to realize that it may be time to stop thinking so much. Stop overthinking, eat what I know works, and let go of all the rigid rules.

I have tried out many different types of food plans in the last 2 years: vegetarian, vegetarian plus fish, omnivore, vegan, vegan gluten-free, vegan plus fish, paleo, zone. There are good and bad things about all of them. One could take nearly any food group and come up with equal amounts of research both praising and condemning: meat, grains, cooked food, fish, etc. Pretty soon, the only thing that is safe and environmentally friendly to eat is raw spinach that you grew in your own backyard. The bottom line is that we have to eat, and we just have to weigh all the conflicting the information and go with what sounds like the most logical argument.

I cycle between all these different types of diets and have trouble landing on one that I want to stick with. What is up with that? I think the issue is that all of them are rigid and restricting in some way, whether it's type of food or quantity. I was eating vegan and then I switched to paleo to add meat and now I am thinking that I would rather switch back to vegan. Couldn't that also be my body telling me that it wants both meat and grains, and that neither vegan or paleo are right for me?

I have come to the conclusion that the key to a successful healthy diet is mindful balanced moderation. Ah yes, like so many things in life it's not a simple black and white solution. I have learned a lot from trying out the Paleo diet and I will likely incorporate much of this in my ultimate food plan.  In fact, I plan to take the best of all of the diets and combine them. Here's my best of list:

1. Eat as many vegetables as I want
2. Eat a variety of fruit, preferably around workouts
3. Fuel workouts with whole foods, no processed bars or gels
4. Choose gluten-free grains, eat more of these on long workout days
5. Eat lean turkey or fish most days
6. Eat eggs once in a while, mostly whites
7. For dairy, stick to Greek yogurt and only as a treat
8. Eat nuts on a regular basis
9. Every meal should be balanced with protein, carbs, fat
10. Eat when I'm hungry and stop before I'm full
11. Have a cheat meal every once in a while and enjoy it

thankful for my CSA veggies

I just recently joined a CSA in Austin for the first time.  Johnson's Backyard Garden CSA (community supported agriculture) membership means that you pay ahead to get a box of seasonal, fresh, local, organically grown vegetables on a regular basis. How it works is every two weeks I stop by the pickup location in my neighborhood and get an amazing and huge assortment of random stuff. Today my box came with spinach, eggplant, salad greens, hot and mild peppers, kohlrabi, rainbow chard, celeriac, mustard greens, tomatoes, and other things that I don't know the names of. I supplement with a few things from the store, but this lasts me almost the whole two weeks.

Here's my veggies from last week.

One thing I really like about it is that I never know what I am going to get. Each week I get to try things that I wouldn't normally buy and I have to figure out ways to use them, so I come up with new recipes. I am completely overwhelmed with the greens this week, and I'm going to seriously have to work hard to eat them all. This year I am extra thankful for vegetables and programs like this CSA that make it easy for me to get them.

dirty du off-road half marathon: mud mud mud

My Dirty Du Souvenirs:

3rd place prizes - Clif bars and race mug

Muddy wet shoes

Today I did the Dirty Du Off-Road Half Marathon. This was the longest trail race I have ever done and my second one. It rained all day yesterday and was still drizzling this morning so the course was nice and muddy. Really muddy with the kind of mud that sticks to your shoes and makes them feel like weights attached to your feet. Peanut butter mud. The course, at the Rocky Hill Ranch in Smithville Texas, was non-stop undulating hills for a very challenging run.

Besides the mud, the trail was a river of water for much of the way, not to mention there had to be at least 30 water crossings within the 13 miles. At first I tried to jump all the crossings to keep my feet dry, but it didn't take long to realize that my feet weren't going to stay dry. I couldn't jump all of them and landed right in the middle a few times. From then on I came to the conclusion that I may as well just run straight through them with no attempt to stay dry. The cold water rushing into my shoes (and up to my ankles sometimes) felt refreshing. I was lucky that I didn't get any blisters from this. For a lot of the race I was running alone in the woods, with no reminders that it was actually a race event. I enjoyed the peaceful surroundings and had fun.

Finishing in a time of 2:12, I was moving slow by road race standards but it was super-technical and my mind had to constantly stay alert to stay on course and to navigate the terrain. I came in as the 3rd overall female finisher.

I ate Paleo before and after the race (dried fruit, apple, paleo turkey burrito), but had a Clif mojo bar and some Skittles while running. I didn't want to test dried fruit during a race in case of any GI issues and I know the processed sugar stuff works for me. I did my best to stay Paleo and in the ballpark of reasonable Zone quantities today, even though after a tough race I have a tendency to be really hungry and eat a lot. My Zone stats for the day came out to 17.5 protein, 23 carb, 19 fat. That's quite a bit more food than I ate in Week 1 and 2 of this diet, however it's less than I would have eaten on a day like today before I was paying closer attention to quantity. The key food lesson I learned today is that a tough workout is reason to eat a little extra, but not an excuse to binge.

3 month goals

I went to a goal-setting workshop last night at Crossfit Central. Since I'm in the off-season this the best time to sit down and figure out what I want to accomplish in the coming year. I am on a continuous path to athletic improvement, but what about the rest of my life? Where is that going? This workshop made me aware that I really should be setting some goals for myself outside my athletic life - financial, personal, etc. We did a lot of free-writing, brainstorming, thinking about what our lives would look like in our dream scenarios... our dream scenarios with no voices inside telling us that those things aren't possible.

If you want to achieve something you have to have absolute and complete belief that it can and will happen.

We each narrowed down our long uncensored lists to three things that we would like to see happen in the next three months. Then for each one, we wrote down why this goal had to be accomplished in that time. The deadline for these goals and next goal setting workshop: February 18, 2010.

My three goals are:

1. Run Faster.  I love running and I want to see how fast and how far I can go with it. In the next three months: Run a 1:35 at the 3M half marathon in January and a 1:33 at the Austin half in mid-February. All my diet-tweaking and workout plans need to focus on accomplishing this.

2. Start Saving Money to Buy a House. I have a specific goal for an amount that must be in my savings account on Feb 18. I have been thinking about the house-buying thing for a while, but now it's time to get down to business and actually save up the down payment.

3. Laugh and Smile More.  I tend to get very serious and intense and inwardly focused. I forget to lighten up and smile and enjoy life with a light heart. I feel healthier and happier when I take the time to appreciate the nice parts of life.
Some things I plan to do are:
- every day make at least one stranger smile
- when I make my food log each day, write down one thing I am grateful for
- watch more funny movies and/or funny YouTube videos. get a good belly laugh on a regular basis.
Once I get the ball rolling with this I think it will get to be more natural and less of a to-do list item.

Week 3 Reboot... and the Paleo burrito

Week 2 did not go well, and so here we are at week 3. It's time to reboot this nutrition plan to be something that doesn't torture me. The main thing that wasn't working was eating foods in Zone quantities was leaving me with a sense of deprivation and lots of guilt and anger around food. This week I can eat as much as I need to in order to feel good, while sticking with Paleo foods. Here are the guidelines:

1. Paleo foods: vegetables, fruits, meat, nuts, seeds, eggs

2. I can make compromises on non-Paleo and high-glycemic carbs immediately before, during, and after my workouts. If I am going to eat fruit or grains, that's when I should do it

3. Log my food and make sure I am getting enough protein

That's it. I feel a lot of stress gone already and have had a much smoother day without obsessing over when/how much I get to eat next. Tomorrow I am running a trail half-marathon and now I can eat my extra carbs tonight with no stress.


Paleo Invention of the Day: Paleo Burrito
Take one large collard green leaf and put it flat on a plate. Put deli sliced turkey breast on it (4 oz is good). Add shredded cabbage, spinach, and whatever other raw veggies you have. Top with 1/2 an avocado and Sriracha hot sauce. Wrap the collard green around it like a tortilla and voila! A Paleo burrito!  Deeee-licious!

Doubts

Ok, I'm deep in week 2 of Paleo/Zone and here is my food log from yesterday:

7am: 2/3 c. oatmeal, 4 egg whites + 1 egg, 9 walnut pieces
8a-4p: 4 oz turkey, 3 oz tempeh, 24 pieces walnut/pecan, 1 sweet potato, 1 small apple (grazed on this all day at work)
4:20p: 3 oz tuna
4:45p: 5 cups spinach and greens, 1 1/2 cups okra, 2 cups cabbage, 6 oz tofu, 5 tbsp avocado (yummy delicious big! vegan! meal)
7:45p: Mixture of nuts and shredded coconut flakes, 1 oz turkey, 2/3 cup oatmeal
ZONE BLOCK TOTALS: 15 protein, 12 carbs, 24 fat

This was a rest day, so I did no exercise and was ok on this amount of food. I got pretty hungry by the end of the work day but made it home and had the tuna snack immediately while I prepared my real meal.

Today was a normal workout day with a one hour intense run and crossfit workout and didn't go so well for eating. I am having some serious doubts about this diet, particularly the Zone part.

Doubt #1:  When I do endurance workouts and need carbs before, during, and after the workout I use up almost all of my 12 carbs for the day, which means that I am unable to have any additional veggies for the rest of the day. Also, I don't like to use my glutamine recovery supplement (Hammer Recoverite) anymore because I would have to waste too many carbs on it for zero eating pleasure. Silly. My old diet had at least 500 calories more veggies per day, great for anti-oxidants and reducing inflammation. Since my family has young-age cancer genes, I need all the veggies I can get right now.

Doubt #2:  I have basically replaced beans, quinoa, brown rice, and sprouted grains with meat and eggs. Not only is that an environmentally unsustainable way to eat, I am no longer getting all the nutrients and fiber. As far as I'm concerned, meat and eggs are merely nutrient-free blobs of protein that are high in cholesterol. I am now getting less nutrients and less fiber than before. Regularity has become a problem. How is this good?

Doubt #3:  I am seriously struggling with the fact that this is taking all the pleasure out of food, previously one of my main sources of pleasure in life. The portions are so small and sometimes I would almost rather not eat at all than have a tiny portion and have to fight myself to not eat more. Physiological distress reduces weight loss anyway so I wonder if it is even worth putting myself through this?  Anyone ever heard of orthorexia? Obsessive-compulsiveness about eating healthy foods, tending towards not eating enough. This diet seems to be setting me up for that and I can definitely see how that type of mindset forms.

Bottom Line:
I am committed to doing this for 30 days. I would like to lose about 5 more pounds of fat. After that, I am leaving myself open to the option of switching back to vegan and eating high fiber unlimited veggies again.

Week 2 - Figuring out natural foods during long workouts

I've definitely leveled-out this week. I'm not hungry all the time and feel better overall. Saturday I went on a 3 hour trail run/walk and I ran about half of it. I went to Rocky Hill Ranch in Smithville, TX and explored the mountain bike trails. It's beautiful single track, both hilly and flat. Next weekend there is a trail half marathon there, and I was also actually checking out the course for that.  Thumbs up - definitely going to do it :) Sunday I rode my bike for 2:30 and did some intense hill repeats on Mesa Dr. here in Austin. I was amazed how strong my legs were on that hill since I've really only been practicing hills in spin class for the past 6 months.

As part of Paleo, I'm trying to transition to more natural energy sources while working out... i.e. gels and sugary processed bars are out.  So far Larabars and apples are working well. I'm excited to try some other things to see if they are just as good as the processed stuff. I went to the store and got dates, raisins, and dried apples to test out next weekend. I'd much rather use whole foods for re-fueling anyway and have only used the gels out of convenience.

One difficulty I'm having is that when I work out in the neighborhood of 2-3 hours, I need a significant amount of carbs during and immediately around the workout in order to make it through. However, with the Zone prescription I am on of only12 carb blocks per day, almost all my carbs are used during the workout and then there are none left to use on veggies in post-workout meals and meals later in the day. I consider the veggies key to recovery and getting anti-oxidants to reduce stress. On long workout days, it really doesn't seem possible to limit myself to 12 carb blocks. 16 is the minimum I was able to do and even then I felt like I was skimping on what I needed.

Starting week 2. More fat = better attitude.

I made it through the first week and feel good about that. It was hard. The only cheat I had was a granola bar, and I didn't even really want it so I'm not sure what I was thinking. I am less hungry than when I first started and have evened out around a 15 block Zone. I feel a little low on energy but good overall. Not once this week have I felt weighted down or sluggish after a meal.

I met with Crystal yesterday and for the next two weeks she has switched me to a 15/12/24 protein/carb/fat block ratio. Basically, I am decreasing my carbs a little and increasing my fat. Today is the first day of that, and wow, all that fat really makes a difference. I am aiming for 4/3/6 block meals. I was able to make it from 8:30am-noon without being hungry at all. That is unheard of for me. I am eating lunch as I write this and am actually happy about my lunch:  2 1/2 cups steamed veggies (cabbage and greens), 2 oz turkey, 4 oz tofu, 6 tbsp avocado. That's almost a whole avocado.

With more fat allowed, I can eat more nuts and more almond butter too. This is such a relief because I don't need to be constantly fighting hunger this way.  I am motivated for week 2 and am excited to get a little more creative with trying out new recipes. I joined Johnson's Backyard Garden CSA and just got my first box of veggies this week so I have lots of new things to try.

Day 5. The worst is over.

I am getting into a routine where I eat a lot of the same foods over and over. Hmmm. And a lot of meat. A lot. Overall I am feeling better than I have been in the last 4 days. My energy is coming back and I am not completely starving all the time, though I am never truly full. I am able to function in life and do workouts on this. My run today was good. It amazes me how quickly I have gotten used to eating literally HALF as many calories as I was eating before.  My only vice in life now is oatmeal, which really isn't too bad :)

Changing my diet like this is bringing up childhood issues about food and sticking points that I have held onto for a long time. Coming out of a past where food deprivation was an issue, I am able to reverse that psychologically by eating a lot as an adult and then justifying it by working out a lot. With this diet, the portion sizes are small but I am becoming very aware of the basics of what my body truly needs outside of any mental hooks I have. I am forced to comfort myself in ways other than with food, ultimately with things that are more therapeutic anyway. There has been a wall holding me back from getting to the next level of performance and I think these issues are it. 

Today's food log:
7:30am: 1 egg+4 whites, 1 cup oatmeal, 9 almonds
10:00am: 12 almonds, 1 sweet potato
11:30am: 6oz tilapia, 1 small apple
1:15pm: 4 cups spinach, 4 oz turkey
4:00pm: 1 cup oatmeal, 1 tsp almond butter
*5:30-7:30pm: 5.5 mile run (44min), Crossfit class
6:30pm: 6 almonds
8:00pm: 4 cups spinach, 2 cups broccoli, 1/2 cup salsa, 4 oz turkey
9:00pm: 3 tbsp avocado, 1 small apple
ZONE TOTALS:  15 protein, 14 carb, 14 fat

Day 4. Solid.

Every day is a little easier. Today I managed my food well and ended up with a solid 14 block day and only mild hunger, no bonking. I talked with a friend at the gym that told me that my adaptation to Paleo/Zone may be like an adaptation to the "Master Cleanse"... first couple of days are rough with detox but then you feel great. Today one way I managed my hunger was by drinking water with lemon juice during work. That stuff really fills me up and tastes more interesting than regular water. Since that's the only thing you can eat during the master cleanse, there really may be some parallel going on.

Another note to self, I should not write blog posts during a bonk as I did last night. No doubt they are going to come up really negative and cranky. Ha.

Today's Food Log:
7am: 1egg+4 whites, 1 cup cooked oatmeal, 9 almonds.
10am: 6 oz turkey, 12 almonds
1:00pm: 1 1/2 sweet potato, 2 tbsp avocado, 1 small apple
3:30pm: 3/4 cup cottage cheese, 1 cup cooked oatmeal, 6 walnut pieces.
5:15-6:30pm: Spin class with lots of hill work, tough workout but felt well-fueled.
6:45pm: 1 small apple
7:15pm: 4 cups kale, 2/3 cup onion, 2 cups cabbage, 4 oz. tilapia, 1 tsp almond butter.
ZONE TOTALS: 14.5 protein, 14.5 carb, 14 fat

I am still fine-tuning this thing but I tend to eat all the same foods all the time.  Fruits are only supposed to be eaten around workouts, veggies are always good but I'm not always in the mood for them, so that leaves basically sweet potatoes and the "unfavorable" oatmeal as my only carb possibilities.  It's not easy to go overboard on carbs with this plan. It's very easy to go overboard on fat though... who can get out the almond butter and just eat 1 teaspoon? Seriously.

Third day. Better but still starving.

This is day 3. The day started out ok but it's evening now and I am struggling. I am starving. I am sick of meat and greens. I am dying for a normal meal with normal size portions where I feel a satisfying full. I want to learn how to get by on less food. I want to be healthy. This transition hurts as much as the peak of Ironman training or the last 6 miles of the Ironman run. This is an endurance event in accepting hunger pain and fighting through. Emotionally it is hard. Here's today's log.

7:45am: 2/3 cup oatmeal, 4 egg whites+1 egg, 2 cups spinach, 2/3 cup onion, 9 almonds. I felt empty but not starving when I woke up.

9:30am: 1/2 sweet potato. Fuel extra for the workouts.

10-11am:  Run 7 miles at Town Lake. 58:30. Solid effort and felt pretty good other than sore legs from all the recent crossfit workouts I have done.

11:15am: 1 small apple. In the car on the way to the gym.

12-1pm: Spin class. Intense intervals but I couldn't give it my 100% because I was starting to get very hungry and light-headed.

1pm: 1 small apple

2:00pm: 2 cups spinach, 3 oz turkey, 2 cups mixed veggies, 3/4 cup cottage cheese.

2:45pm: I am completely starving and my stomach hurts in a painful kind of way. I am really craving a full meal with some real carbs other than greens.

3-4pm: Nap. Making time go by....

4:30pm: 2 oz turkey, 2 tbsp avocado, 2/3 cup oatmeal. My stomach still hurt but this helped me feel better. The oatmeal gives me some comfort.

7:00pm: 3 tbsp avocado, 4 cups kale, 1/3 cup onion, 4 oz tilapia. I am pleasantly hungry but not in pain anymore.

7:30pm: Dinner is over and I'm already close to a 15 block day. My stomach is having those shooting pains again. I am at 1122 total calories. I have done 2 hours of intense cardio today. On this diet we are not supposed to be counting net calories but I can't help it... I'm at about 200 for the day.... is that even enough for normal organ functions? Is this what the carb detox is supposed to feel like? Is my body going to adapt or is it just going to shut down? I'm going to either lose a pound every two days or crash and burn on this diet. In order to get through this I am visualizing the lean body I want to have.  Dara Torres, Lisa Bentley, I see you in my mind. 10 minutes off my marathon time with no extra training, I see you in my mind.

9:00pm: 1 tsp almond butter, 1 grapefruit, 1 cup cottage cheese. I couldn't make it without a bedtime snack.

ZONE TOTALS TODAY: 19 protein, 14.5 carbs, 17 fat.

I have made it through the weekend but I am worried about the week. On the weekend I had free access to my kitchen at all times. I am scared to get caught in a situation where I am away from home and am completely bonked out feeling sick and I can't eat anything from any restaurant or cafe. Paleo meals are delicious but they take time to prepare. Other than 3 almonds, I have no idea what to grab in case of a "food emergency". I need to figure that out.

Day 2 - I can do this.

Today was much better than yesterday. I spread the food out more evenly and ate more overall. Every day is a work in progress. I have more confidence that I can do this.

8:30am: 2/3 cup oatmeal, 1 egg+ 4 whites, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1 tsp almond butter. I felt hungry but ok waking up this morning.

9:30-10:30am: One hour trail run. Decent workout but I didn't feel fresh and my stomach was getting rumbly.

10:30am: 1 small apple. In the car on the way to the gym.

11-11:30am: Crossfit workout - DB snatch and pushups, then 100 situps. I was starting to get light-headed but made it through the workout.

11:45am: 1 cup mixed berries, 1 scoop protein, 9 almonds. Smoothie!

12:30pm: 2 cups spinach, 1 cup cabbage, 2/3 cup onion, 4 oz turkey, 3 tbsp avocado, 1 small apple.

4:00pm: 1/4 cup greek yogurt, 1 cup strawberries. Mid-afternoon bonk. I got caught away from home and not prepared with snacks. Mo put together this Paleo snack for me :)

6:00pm: 5 oz turkey, 2 cups spinach, 1 cup cabbage, 1 cup snowpeas, 1 sweet potato, 2 tbsp avocado, 6 almonds. Extra large dinner since I didn't eat much since lunch.

9:30pm: 2 tsp almond butter, 1 small apple, 2/3 cup oatmeal.

**Zone Total for the day: 15 protein, 17 carb, 16 fat **

I am happy I could get in a decent run today. I was hungry but not painfully so. I think I was still hungry from yesterday. My dinner and lunch was turkey cooked with a bunch of veggies and spices was totally delicious. Now that I've got almond butter in the house, it's hard too not eat too much. That stuff is amazing. I am going to have fun finding more new Paleo recipes to try.

day 1 paleo/zone sucked

I just finished my first day of eating Paleo/Zone and here's the report.

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7am: 1 egg+ 4 egg whites, 2/3 cup oatmeal, 9 almonds.

7:30am: bike to work - 30 minute easy ride.

10am: 3oz turkey, 2tbsp avocado, 3 almonds.

11am: I am starting to get hungry but need to wait until 12:30.

12:10: 4 cups spinach, 2 cups mixed veggies, 9 walnut halves, 4.5 oz cod. I was so hungry I couldn't concentrate on work anymore. Had to eat early. This meal was big but not totally satisfying.

2:30pm: My stomach is rumbling and I am getting a mild headache from hunger.

2:52pm: Shooting pains in stomach and headache from hunger. Leaving work.

3pm: Bike home from work - 30 minute easy ride but I am working to hold it together to concentrate. So hungry. Lots of negative thoughts.

3:30pm: 1 cup blueberries, 1 scoop whey protein, 2/3 cup oatmeal.  This helped the hunger a little but it felt like just drinking a big glass of water to fill my stomach but not give any sustenance.

4pm: I don't know if I can make it to dinner. Taking a nap will make time pass. Nap 4-5:30.

5:30pm: Complete emotional meltdown. I am so hungry it hurts. I need food. Questioning goals. Questioning this extreme caloric restriction. Time to get online... internet research suggests that this 12 block Zone prescription is way too low for my body size and activity level. I feel better knowing that.

6pm: Small apple, 3 almonds. Snack while making more food.

7pm: 5 cups cooked cauliflower, 4 oz turkey. Ok, my stomach is full now.

9:12pm: I am starving again. The stomach pains are starting.

9:30pm: 1 sweet potato, 2 tsp almond butter. I am full and ready to have this food day be over.
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Today's total:  14 blocks protein, 15 blocks carbs, 16 blocks fat.
I probably would have died on the calories in 12 blocks (960). I barely made it as is.

What I learned today is that jumping in to Zone and Paleo at the same time is too much change. It would be better to get a handle on Paleo first and then build Zone into it. I am not sure about eating this much meat and so many eggs (cholesterol and inflammation?) but I think I will learn to be ok without the grains as long as I can still have small amounts of oatmeal.

With Zone it is strange to have to measure and count how many veggies I eat. Usually I just call veggies free and don't worry about eating unlimited amounts. Also, the concept of 3 almonds as a serving seems silly... 3??  I couldn't do any real workouts on this little amount of food so I need to figure out a Zone block prescription that will work better.

Tomorrow I am going to try an 18 block day to see if it will support a normal weekend training routine. Today was day 1 and it did suck as predicted but I am ready to make day 2 better.

Going Paleo and facing fears

Amsterdam Marathon post-race meal....

the only food around: chicken sandwich and fries.

It was hard to eat well while traveling.

I finished up my 2009 training season with the Amsterdam marathon two weeks ago and am now in a "rest and recovery" phase. I put that in quotes because although I have cut back on running, I am now getting a chance to ride my bike again, and most excitingly for me, I am back at CrossFit hammering away on the strength workouts. It's also a great time for me to work on my diet since I am not as concerned with workout quality now. If I have any changes in energy levels, I can just roll with how I am feeling.

So, tomorrow I am starting the Paleo/Zone diet. For the past 18 months I have been experimenting with the amount of meat and dairy I eat to see how to optimize my body composition and performance. So far I have not been able to get below 19% body fat. A typical healthy clean omnivore diet with grains was good at first and then I started to gain weight. I saw huge performance gains when I switched to a vegan diet but then plateaued and began to go downhill after about 4 months. Neither of those diets were completely sustainable over the long-term for me.

CrossFit people swear by this Paleo/Zone combo thing, so that's my next plan of attack. It's a 40/30/30 carb/protein/fat ratio, with emphasis on fruits, veggies, nuts, and meat. It's actually going to be a lot like the Engine 2 vegan diet, except with meat and fish added. I'm choosing not to eat any dairy other than eggs.

The hardest thing about this for me is going to be cutting out the grains. Giving up my morning oatmeal is going to be a bit traumatic. This challenge feels almost more daunting to me than Ironman training. There is probably a reason I have done two Ironmans, but have never been able to optimize my diet. This is about facing my deepest fears and learning to be ok without the comfort that I am used to getting from certain foods. I am ready to do it. 100% or nothing.

Nutrition coach Crystal Nelson of CrossFit Central is going to keep me on track. She says the first three days will be very hard, the first week will be challenging, but after two weeks my body will be used to the change and I will start to see the benefits.

2008 Race Schedule

Feb 3 - 3M Half Marathon - Austin
March 7-8 - Fayetteville Cycling Stage Race - 2x 40+ mile road race, 6 mile TT - Fayetteville TX
April 13 - Texas State Triathlon - Sprint distance - San Marcos TX
April 21 - Boston Marathon - Boston MA
May 13 - Tuesday Night Bike TT - 8 miles - Austin
May 17 - Austin Triathletes Open Water Swim - 2.4 miles - Austin
May 25 - CapTex Triathlon - Olympic distance - Austin
June 8 - Danskin Triathlon - Sprint distance - Austin
June 28 - Keep Austin Weird 5K Run - Austin
July 20 - Door County Triathlon - Half Ironman - Door County WI
Sept 7 - Ironman Wisconsin - Madison WI

balance and focus

Sometimes I feel like I am a hamster running on a never-ending wheel. I get up early to get to my first workout then work, eat, nap, do errands, eat, do another workout, get myself organized for the next day, then crash into bed. Some days are completely scheduled in order to make sure I get everything done. I stress and worry. It is a major challenge to balance all this stuff and still having time to reflect on life and enjoy that I am living it exactly how I want to. I mean, I get to get up on a beautiful sunny morning and go on a long bike ride when everyone else is commuting to the office.

Things can get to feeling out of control. Today I tried some new ways to go about the day and was successful. First I did my long bike ride and focused on going hard during the hard parts and easy during the easy parts. I went into it determined to do my best. I came home and set aside a large chunk of the day to be uninterrupted work time. This meant no web surfing or checking email. Nothing but work during work time. After work time I rewarded myself with a nap, a nice dinner, and some relaxation. I knew I had this coming so it made it easier to work. For my eating, I made sure to get in all my calories before 7pm. I don't like to go to bed feeling too full.

The key to today was to focus during focus time and then relax the rest of the time. I found that I had less stress and worry when I stayed on task. Finding balance in juggling everything works a lot like those bike intervals.

my own real bed

I have a new bed. A real bed with a mattress, box spring, frame, and nice sheets. Queen size. And it's really comfortable. I have not had my own real bed for a long time. I have been sleeping on couches, futons, guest beds, hotel beds, and the floor for over a year now. It is really nice to have my own bed. This is one of those things that I didn't know I missed so much until now.


Here I am 15 minutes after running Boston. 5 minutes after it I was not doing so well. It's amazing what a bottle of water and some potato chips can do.
More Boston photos on my Flickr account.

thoughts during a marathon

What do I think about during a marathon? Several people have asked me this in the past couple of days....

• I break it down into mile repeats and think of it as 26 x 1 mile. 1 mile is easy.
• I get into a rhythm of counting my steps up to 10 over and over
• I look at something ahead and tell myself to run to that. Then I pick a new spot.
• I make a game of seeing how many people I can pass
• I imagine myself as an Olympic runner, running effortlessly with perfect form
  
• I imagine myself as a gazelle running through the forest
• At Boston I thought about my virtual cheerleaders one mile at a time
• I think about the perfect delicious meal that I will have when I am done
• I think how grateful I am to have two good strong legs that let me run races
• I think about how in this moment I don't have to worry about anything but running

And sometimes I think:

• I am really tired. I don't know if I can make it. Yes you can make it. You do not give up.
  
• Wow, my legs hurt. I am not going to be able to walk for a week after this.
  
• Why do I do this again?
• That slick looking Boston marathon jacket will make this pain all worth it.
• It's no wonder the first runner of the marathon in Greece died after running... this is no joke

But I try to push those thoughts away pretty quickly and get back to the more positive ones.

boston-mania

I ran the Boston marathon! I heard it was a tough course and it was. My plan was to start out at a 9 minute pace and then monitor my body throughout in order to decide if I would pick up the pace or not. I wasn't sure if my recovering hip injury would be an issue or not. My goal was to get to the finish line, enjoy the experience, and pace myself well enough to run the last three miles. My injury has had me running in the water for the last 6 weeks so I was not sure how things would go. I knew my aerobic engine was up to the task but I was not so sure about my legs.

The first half was easy and felt good. It was a joy to be out running a long run again for the first time in a while. Then fatigue and soreness started and it got to be less of a joy. The downhills had my quads exhausted by mile 17. I actually enjoyed the uphills and loved Heartbreak Hill because it was so long. It gave me a good chance to use all my strength from muscles other than my quads and I passed a lot of people on the uphills.

There were more spectators out there than at any race I have ever done. It was pretty much completely insane. People were cheering for nearly the entire 26 miles, and in the last 4 miles people were about 3 deep on both sides. At some points I kind of just wished for a quiet moment to find peace and get in my groove. I had to find my groove amidst people screaming in my ears. The last 5 miles were quite torturous as I worked hard to just get one foot in front of the other. My legs were not happy. I managed to keep a fairly steady pace by working extremely hard at the end. I fought to get in under four hours and I came in dead on 4:00:34. The last half mile up to the finish line was pure happiness. I felt no pain. I smiled and felt proud to have run the whole race. Just a few weeks ago I was doing 3 min run/1 min walk intervals to try to heal. I am healed and I ran smart. I feel really proud of how I am learning to deal with challenges and make things positive.

Now, let's rest up and bring on the core of Ironman training.

perfect race at aquarena

My first triathlon of the year could not have gone any better. I was organized, calm, my nutrition worked, and I focused to go hard. Everything went according to plan. I ended up first in my age group (30-34) and second female overall. This is the best I have ever placed in a triathlon. To top it off, I had the fastest female bike time of the day and I set a PR for my 5K run. This was a huge confidence builder and a great way to kick off the season. Clearly I have been doing something right. It's only April.

Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/austinmo/sets/72157604539743482/
[Thanks Mo!]

sprint triathlons are fun

I'm doing my first triathlon of the season tomorrow: the Texas State Sprint Tri at Aquarena - 500m swim, 14mi bike, 3mi run. Sprint triathlons are fun because they are like mini versions of the longer ones. Getting done in around 1:15, they are shorter than most of my typical weekday workouts. You go through all the motions so they are good to use as dress rehearsals for longer races. I want to get all the glitches worked out before CapTexTri in May so that that more important race is not my first. I got all my stuff organized yesterday so I can relax a little today and not have to worry about that. Above is a photo of everything. I am so excited to be racing on a Felt B2 that I am borrowing from the bike shop. It is lightening fast and a joy to ride. I wrote up my race plan so I know what I'm doing for the race and I think I'm ready to nail it.

gearing up for boston

I'm gearing up to run the Boston Marathon in two weeks. I qualified last year and delayed one year but I am really going to do it this time. Since I am recovering from a hip/IT band/knee issue, it may be more of a run/walk than a run, but I am going to go the distance no matter how long it takes. Mostly I am going for the experience of it, plus I will get to watch the women's Olympic marathon trials while I am there. I figure that I put in the hard work to qualify, so it's ok if I just go out and enjoy myself at Boston.

It's weird how I set huge goals for myself and then when I reach them it is hard to believe that I actually did. Life keeps going and it's so easy to immediately start thinking about the next goal without really enjoying my successes. Delaying Boston a whole year has given me time to let that one sink in... like, oh maybe I am a pretty decent runner. If I did Boston fast, there would be less time to enjoy being part of it. So I'd say that's the biggest positive thing about being injured: more time out on the course getting loved by spectators :)

my first road race

I did my first cycling road race last weekend... and I made it through! It was a two-day stage race with a 46 mile road race and 6.6 mile time trial on Saturday, and a 49 mile road race on Sunday. The Fayetteville Texas Stage Race. It was a huge victory for me to even get there, much less stick out the tough times through the three events. Last summer I was totally averse to riding with people, and never imagined that I would do a bike race. I was happy riding by myself to train for triathlon biking. I realized that I need to ride with faster riders to be a faster rider. I train my swimming like a swimmer, and my running like a runner. No doubt that explains why those are my strengths (and maybe my naturally long limbs). This year I am doing what it takes to make biking a strength too.

Ok, so the race itself. I went in with the strategy in the mind to just stay towards the front of the pack and stay on someone's wheel. Well, this is good unless you can't do it. We started off slow, so slow that I wondered if I had it in the bag. I had no idea how fast Cat 4 riders ride. When we got to the first massive hill, a few riders put it down and started to sprint. I was in the front and quickly fell to the back, and then dropped off the back. I was not expecting that sprint and sprinting up a steep hill is tough. They kept going and I had to give it everything I had to get back with them. It took a mile or two, so that was a huge effort expended. While I was sprinting, they were resting. When they took off again, I was spent and couldn't catch up again. I rode the rest with a few others who were dropped and then by myself. It was a good learning experience. I didn't let it get to me. The time trial was no big deal, since I am used to that. The road race the next day was more of the same, but I was able to stay with the pack for a few more surges because I was anticipating them. I knew I had to be ready to go 100% at any moment. Again though, I rode most of the day by myself.

Did I have fun? Hmmm. I guess so, but some parts weren't very much fun. I know these will make me a better rider and a stronger rider mentally. So in that sense, it was a satisfying experience to learn a new way to get better. I will do more races. In fact, I am planning to do another one in two weeks. Maybe I will have more fun when I get strong enough to do more than just fight to stay alive. Cycling is a grueling sport. Weak people need not apply.

5 tips for optimal athlete diet

Every day is a work in progress. That's good because if I mess up one day I can try again the next. There are a lot of days. Right now I am trying to optimize my diet for training. My diet is already very healthy but I need to make a few tweaks. The most important thing is that I need to make sure I get 30% of my calories from protein.

My biggest challenges in having an optimal diet as I see it are: 1) getting the right caloric ratio while being a vegetarian other than eating fish (sorry little salmon swimming in the sea!) 2) not overeating when I am stressed out or bored. Things working in my favor are: 1) my body has a keen sense of telling me when it needs food 2) I already have gotten out of the habit of eating large meals 3) I love fruits and vegetables 4) I know my workouts suffer when I eat junk.

I am a fan of Gordon Byrn, triathlete and coach, and consulted his website to see if I could get any advice on this stuff. I found a good article where he broke down optimal eating into five "simple" tips. They sound simple at least.

1) Eat real food only.
In other words, if it does not occur in nature, don't eat it. Sounds good. I usually only buy real foods, but do veggie burgers occur in nature? I'd like to think that they would be considered "lightly processed" and thereby acceptable.

2) No refined sugar after 2pm.
Interesting. Challenging but managable. I'll just have to eat all the late night chocolate bars for lunch instead :) jk.

3) No bread, cereal, or pasta.
Whoa. We are bringing out the big guns now. These foods bring me happiness. If I give them up, what will I look forward to in life? It will have to be a gradual cut back with some cheating allowed every once in a while.

4) Only use sports nutrition products for workouts over 2 hours. For shorter workouts, use water and bananas.
I can handle that. I get sick of that stuff when I eat it too much anyway. Gels, bars, and powdered drinks definitely do not occur in nature. Bananas are cheaper too.

5) Eat lean protein at every meal.
That's a good strategy. It just requires some planning to make sure I have the right foods on hand.

What now? I am going to work on these one at a time. It is never a good idea to introduce too many new things at once. #1 is done. #2 and #4 won't be too hard. #3 and #5 will be the hardest. I am going to focus this week on #5 and see how I do.

appreciating the basics

I have been struggling to find a sense of peace in myself lately. I blame myself and then don't know what to do to make things better. I know what is wrong but it seems overwhelming and scary to make some necessary changes. I have been living a dream life with the flexibility that a lot of people wish for. I can be anywhere with my job, I can work the hours that I want, it pays me a comfortable salary, and I have the freedom to play in the middle of the day on weekdays doing whatever I want. What is the downside to this? Sometimes there is so much freedom that I feel like I am flailing all over the place and am not grounded in anything or even in myself.

Now that I have a steady place of my own to live, I am beginning to feel much more calm. I have my own part of a nice house with my own bathroom, and I live with a cool roommate who I just met. I'm in a nice part of Austin that I like. I found this on Craigslist. I love Craiglist because I am discovering that it can be used to solve nearly any problem in life. I have been living out of my car and a backpack for a while so I can't believe how grateful I am to just be able to leave all my stuff in one place. And I am grateful to have lots of kitchen space to put my food, all my food and workout food.

Shelter, food, clothing... check. Now that those are in order in my life I can begin to get back to other things, like finding inner peace and getting out to see new things in Austin. I am feeling optimistic.

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Happiness log for today: making all my speed intervals in my swim workout, biking hwy 360 on a perfect sunny day, fresh legs after a rest day, Kashi TLC Honey Almond Flax bars

start a happiness log

I was surfing the web and came across Oprah's interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love. I enjoyed that book, especially since I am on my own trip of self-discovery like hers right now. Liz had a few great suggestions on how to come to balance within yourself without requiring any travel. My favorite was to keep a "Happiness Log" where everyday you write down one or a couple of things that made you happy that day. She said that you see that there are recurring themes in the list and then it becomes very clear what makes you happy. Then you go from there in bringing more of those things into your life.

For me today, two things stand out: the breathtaking views of Austin seen while heading north on 620 on my bike, and my breakfast - oatmeal with bananas.

bike shops with attitude

I'm not sure what is up with this, but I am coming to the conclusion that in towns that have biker-friendly culture and multiple bike shops, there is always at least one bike shop with attitude. These are usually shops that sell high end bikes and cater to serious cyclists. They bring the snootiness of road racing to the shop.

The shop in Madison WI with attitude, which I will call CM, can be intimidating to even go into. I once went there for a fitting and left feeling bad because my bike was not a $5000 custom frame. The fitter and owner of CM asked me how many miles I rode each week and was skeptical of my answer... were my quads not big enough or what?

The shop in Austin with attitude that I just discovered (ATC) was similarly annoying. I certainly know my stuff about bikes and bike parts these days, but had my needs and knowledge questioned. I asked him about aero-helmets and he was reluctant to even get them off the shelf for me to see, and then he discouraged me from buying one. Then I told him I was thinking of getting a Felt DA frame this year and he proceeded to tell me that it is not a fast bike and I should get a Cervelo P3C instead. I told him I have various reasons for being dead set against a Cervelo, and he proceeded to try to convince me and even brought out the binder with wind test results to try to prove to me that the Felt DA is not fast. He doesn't consider that it doesn't matter how fast that P3C is if it doesn't fit me well. I left ATC with a bad taste in my mouth and will not return.

Why do these shops make a whole bunch of assumptions about where you fit in the cycling heirarchy? I like to shop at places that want to help me meet my goals, not those who make me justify my existence or are just plain discouraging. Yay for friendly bike shops!

Friendly bike shops:
Jack and Adams - Austin
Willy Bikes - Madison
Revolution Cycles - Madison
Bike Barn - Santa Barbara

Sometimes friendly bike shops:
Nytro - Encinitas
Bike Works - Kona

why

why:
- does it take one sunburn each year to remind me to use sunscreen?
- do i keep having things come up that disrupt my training?
- is my life in complete chaos?
- do i sleep with a stuffed animal?
- does positive self-talk only go so far?
- do people cover up their insecurities with big talk?
- do i let it bother me if someone tells me i'm a psychopath?
- are people sometimes in the wrong place at the wrong time?
- do people betray their best friends?
- do i forgive so easily?

looking to fayetteville

I'm back to the grind in Austin and planning to keep it as my home base for the next two months. It's rough getting back to regular life after a week like last week. My life is pretty easy, but it's nice not to have to think about anything but training. I got my bike all put back together and am ready to take it for a spin again tomorrow. I put on my Zipp wheels so I can give them a try for the first time. I've had them sitting in the closet for two months. My next event is the Fayetteville Texas Stage Race on March 15-16, and includes two road races and a time trial. After the camp I feel more prepared because now I have a clue about how the events work and how to strategize as a solo racer.

And now for a few of my new favorite things -
protein sources: dried tvp eaten raw, nutritional yeast
facebook app: pandora radio
place to swim: barton springs pool in austin
energy bar: luna black cherry
website: www.couchsurfing.com

Day 6 - long ride

Today was the last day of camp and we had the choice of riding 85 or 65 miles with either the "fast" or "faster" group. It was cloudy and cool with a 40 mph wind; not the ideal riding conditions. My coach Terra told me to ride quality over quantity today. My legs were tired to start and I knew it was going to be a day of slogging through the miles, none of which would be particularly high quality no matter what the distance.

Guest coach and Olympic cyclist Rory O'Reilly rode with my group and he gave me a few tips. He said don't rely too much on my power meter instead learn to know how my body feels at certain effort levels so I can dial those in without any technology. He showed me how to descend efficiently on a rough surface. He showed the group how to effectively ride together into a 40mph headwind to help each other as much as possible.

About 50 miles in, we stopped for a lunch of Clif bars and Clif shot blocks. Attack of the sugar bombs. I wasn't feeling great and all I could think about was eating some real food like a nice omelette... or steak (I'm a vegetarian). I was in need of something besides sugar and did my best but then about mile 55 I melted down emotionally and started crying, which is a sign of nutritional bonking I have learned. I couldn't keep up no matter how hard I worked. Rory helped me get up the steep climb we were on and then I stopped at Jill's van and she gave me some cheese, soy milk, and nuts from her own personal stash. It didn't take long and I felt better. This gave me just enough energy to get to the 65 mile point, at which I bailed out, put my bike on the van, and rode the rest of the way back in the nice comfy van with Jill. This was the happiest moment of the day and I know it was the right decision for me. My legs were done. One other rider bailed with me.

Hunter had to leave camp a few days early because his mother had a stroke and it is good that he did because she passed away today. She was the cook at last year's camp in Bedford.

Day 5 - Watch Tour of California

Today was the Stage 5 Tour of California Time Trial in Solvang. We had a day off with no organized rides planned, which gave us lots of time to take in the race. I don't really follow professional cycling itself so I went into today not knowing much about any of the athletes or teams. I am ending the day knowing A LOT about who is who in the sport, how races work, how to spectate, and how things work behind the scenes. Since this was the time trial, it's really not too much different than watching the bike in a triathlon.

I woke up leisurely, ate my breakfast, and went to the hot tub to stretch myself as well as I could. Then I went out for an easy 75 minute spin on the time trial course. It was raining on and off so my bike got all dirty and I got covered in mud. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth all the cleanup time for such a short ride.

Our hotel is about a block from the finish line of the time trial and the festival. I spent a lot of time at the festival going to all the vendor booths and talking to people. Some of the highlights were seeing all the Zipp wheels at the Zipp booth, looking at the Slipstrem Felt DA team edition bike at the Felt booth, seeing Chris McCormack's Specialized TT bike that he rode at IM Hawaii this year, and just being saturated with all the bike excitement and energy. The Herbalife booth was having a contest on their computrainers to see who could have the fastest 1/4 mile sprint time. I gave it a shot and posted a time of 29.81 sec - my average power was 360 watts which was higher than anything I have done all week at camp! Funny how I did that on a badly fitting bike with platform pedals and in jeans with no warmup. Well it turned out that at the end of the day I missed women's 5th place for a prize from Rudy Project by only 0.1 seconds!!! Maybe my new specialty should be sprinting in street clothes.

The race itself was totally inspiring. I got right up to the front at the starting platform and saw all the pros preparing themselves from less than 10 feet away. It was awesome to see their routines and their bikes. All the top guys wear radios packed in the tip of their aero helmet so they can get feedback from their following car. Who knows what else you could store in that helmet. Taken out of context, time trialists look pretty goofy with their lycra suits, pointy hats, and tricked out bikes. Almost all of them used a disc wheel on the back and deep wheel on the front. Today was the first ever real life racing test of the Powertap on a Zipp disc wheel and will determine the upcoming release schedule for it. The most common bars I saw were the Easton Attack TT and the Zipp Aero Vuka. As the athletes were in line to start I saw them massaging their muscles, doing deep breathing, stretching hamstrings, flipping through their gears and getting it to the right one to start, and sitting down to focus. The focused calm is exactly how it needs to be done.

The finish line was very close to the start so it was easy to jump from one to the other. As they came in one by one, they were moving so fast you could blink and miss them. The crowds were at least 4 deep down the shoot so it was a little hard to see. They had some large screen monitors with live course footage going and finish line closeups so it was almost easier to watch that. I hung out with Patrick from the camp and he's an expert on this stuff. I got filled in on details of all his favorite athletes. He pointed out small details of form that distinguish the top time trial specialists and was able to answer all my questions about what was going on.

All in all, it was an awesome day. We finished it off with dinner at a nice restaurant and as we were eating the entire team Rabobank came in. This may as well be the Tour de France. They got me, I think I am on my way to becoming a cycling nut.

Day 4 - Time Trial

Today's ride was two laps of the Tour of California time trial course. Lap one was an easy group ride to get familiar with the course. The second lap we did an individual time trial. This is my event and the rolling course was a lot like Wisconsin so it suited what I am most used to. Some parts were flat, some parts had short rolling hills, and there were a few big climbs and descents.
I loved this. I love being out there mostly by myself pushing as hard as I can. It felt like a triathlon. I set a personal best for this distance today (13 miles) and I wasn't even using any aero stuff, so all this training is paying off. Today is Colleen's 48th birthday and my side goal was to go under 48 minutes no matter what... no problem there. Party down.

I got off the bike and immediately went out for a 6 mile run. Amazingly enough, I felt great. I am tired overall but my run muscles feel good. I am lower on protein and sleep than usual but somehow my body is able to knock out workout after workout. I love how I feel when I get to this part of the year when my fitness base is so good that this is possible.

Hunter's mom had a stroke so he had to go home early and now Adnan is running the camp. We are getting to the end and have two less intense days ahead. The hard stuff is done.

Day 3 - lots and lots of sprints

I have never done sprints before today, but today was an epic introduction. We went out to a road with very slight incline and did 3 small ring sprints, 6 big ring sprints, 2 team lead outs, and 2 race finish scenarios. These are killer hard efforts but oddly I am feeling stronger as the week goes on even though my legs are getting progressively tired. Adnan says that is common for endurance people.

The small ring sprints were the easiest because I like high cadence stuff. I got my legs up to 136rpm. I have trouble standing during sprints and even more trouble leaning out over my front wheel but that will take some practice. In the lead outs it only worked with me as the front rider, since I was the slowest rider in my group. Basically I would sprint as long as I could to start pulling the paceline and then pull off and let them go. Of course the rest of them would have been going at a moderate pace at that point. For the race scenarios my job was to sprint out and get the other team to chase me and then have my teammates stay on their wheels as I dropped back. I put out my best effort of the day on these and I pushed it so hard that I tasted blood in my throat for a second. It really hurt but our team won. For the first run, my chain fell off in the middle, I had to stop and fix it then get back on my bike and I still was not the last rider in. Like I said, I really pushed it to the maximum. The supposed "cooldown" ride back to the hotel was a threshold tempo ride for me and I continued a strong effort for those last 10 miles.

Things are getting better as everyone in the group gets to know each other and the egos settle down. People are starting to get tired. I'm learning how to do what I need to do and still be a part of the camp. It is totally geared for the guys, which is annoying at times, but it allows me to work really really hard... like they'll say, roll into the sprint at 28mph... ok, what if 27mph was the top speed on my last sprint?

The team things were good today because I made sure I was given a role that would suit what I am capable of. I went on a short run this morning and my run muscles are feeling good. I listened to music to get myself excited for the day. The lunch situation was bad today so I got myself out of there and went to the natural food store and had a delicious lunch there by myself. [they took us to a wine tasting literally 20 minutes after our killer hard ride, and the lunch consisted of the same meat and cheese sandwiches on white bread that they have had every single day... i don't drink alcohol at all, but even if I did I would not be drinking within the first 30 minutes after a hard 3 hour workout when my body wants carbs and protein. why aren't they serving us athlete food with some nutrients? how do they expect us to recover?]

I had a good nap this afternoon and am feeling ok. Tomorrow is a 15 mile time trial, which I am thinking of as a sprint triathlon without the swim and run :) Maybe I will do the other two events on my own to complete the day.

Day 2 - big climb

It was a new day today. I regrouped mentally and had a completely different experience than yesterday. I got my own compact crank on and my own powertap fixed. I had a plan for how to approach the day and my technical issues were gone. The ride today was 45 miles with a steep 12 mile climb up Mt Figueroa. My plan was 150 watt warmup (no higher no matter how fast the group goes), give my best threshold effort for the climb, then see what I have left and do a 120-160 watt cooldown to finish the ride. Hunter told people to use the first 20 minutes of the climb to do a threshold test. I chose not to do that because I didn't want to use up all my energy and not have anything left for the remaining 1:30 of the climb. That proved a good strategy because the hill was hard. I felt calm all day because I knew I had a backup plan if the group thing didn't work out - do what I need to do for me alone ignoring social expectations and don't care what anyone else thinks. This is pretty much how I approach life so I know it works.

The group stopped to rest when we arrived at the base of the hill and I kept going. This gave me a good 10-15 minute lead on everyone else. I knew it would only be a matter of time before each of the guys came by me, and yes, they all did. This was kind of fun because I got to say hi to everyone. Adnan told me this climb would be easier than Mt Lemmon in Tucson, or Volcano in Hawaii, but I disagree. This was steeper than either of those and for sure the hardest climb I have ever done. It kept going forever and took me 1:45 to complete. My speed was 6-7mph for a lot of it and in my easiest gear my cadence was 55. With my head start I was the first female to the top and to the bottom. The views were really something... we were above the clouds. We rode by Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch on the way down. I was not the last one back today. The lunch was basically over and the pizza was cold, but oh well. I sat on the floor during the presentation, stretching, using my Stick, and eating the fruit and hummus that I brought for myself.

All in all it was a good day. I rode most of the day alone and did exactly what I wanted to do. I feel so much more comfortable on my own rather than riding with a group. When I am by myself there are no weird speed social dynamics, and I enjoy the ride a lot more. Triathlon seems to suit my introvertedness a lot better than group riding.

The dinner tonight was strange... a casino buffet. No vegetarian protein to be had. Most people were disappointed with it. I don't get why they are not giving us athlete food that helps recovery. Well, at least I had no trouble getting full tonight. I ate a load of vegetables. I had a nice time talking to a few of the other campers.

Day 1 - hilly "easy" ride

8:34am
I get to be a guinea pig tester for the new Quarq power meter! The unit attaches to the spider of the crank arm, and the head unit is a Garmin 705 (sweet!). They are similar to the SRM in how they work. I also have my Powertap installed at the same time. Jim, the owner of Quarq will be comparing the data that I get from both. It's pretty awesome that I get to be a tester before these are even available on the market. The only slight downside here is that to install the Quarq I had to switch out my compact crank for a standard, which means I won't get my easy gear on all these hills. ... but I will get the extra hard gear for the downhills. The other campers are a bit jealous that my bike setup was perfect for me to be a tester.

2:09pm
I am back from our first ride, eaten, showered, and now sitting down to releax for a while. It was 45 miles today with a few good climbs and lots of rolling hills. It was a beautiful ride despite the cloudy haziness of the day. I was pretty much in back for the entire ride, with some long stretches by myself. Sometimes on the flatter parts I was able to stay with the group. The standard gearing proved problematic so I am going to switch back to my compact and opt out of the Quarq testing. It was much better than the powertap though, always there and with very similar numbers, and the large color display on the Garmin makes the Powertap seem downright primitive.

I had a complete emotional meltdown in the middle of the ride and had to stop and lay on the ground and cry for a while. I couldn't breathe to keep going. Adnan, one of the coaches, stayed with me to finish out the ride. I think all the stuff I have gone through in life in the last 6 months came out when I got dropped on a big hill. Things about being at this camp alone as a rider this year while remembering being at last years camp as a spouse visitor are coming up painful. After my meltdown, I finished the ride very strong averaging around 18. I've cried a lot today and feel quite vulnerable. Hunter came up to me at lunch (after hearing about it from Adnan) and said "Remember, we are here to train. We are here to train." I'm sure he has a good idea what it is all about, though I was vague with the details to Adnan.

I am doing my best to be kind to myself and non-judgemental. I am letting the emotions be there. Even though I am not as fast as everyone else, I look at my watts and know what is a good effort for me. If I am sustaining above 180 watts then I know I am putting out the best effort I can. It would be stupid to try to maintain a z4-z5 effort to keep up with people because I won't last long doing that. Adnan assures me that on day one people go out fast to establish a group "hierarchy" and by the end things are a lot more evened out because they get tired and then the endurance riders are still going just as fast as they were on day one. So I am just going to stick in there and do each day at the watts that I can do.

I noticed that the guy with the most expensive stuff is one of the slower male riders and he has bad bike handling skills. People with big (annoying) egos can be totally insecure on the inside. And then there's me with my heart on my sleeve bringing up the rear end but using probably at least as much emotional strength to stay there as the front person is using physical strength to stay in front. Things come out even in the end no matter the path each person takes to get there. I feel calm in that.

Coaches notes: I need to tilt my hips forward more so that I am using my glutes (imagine that Terra!), and I need to keep my upper body down and relaxed. Basically... my running weaknesses are also my bike form weaknesses. Yeah, and the mental stuff too.

arriving at bike camp

I flew from Austin to Solvang California today for a week of cycling camp. This is a complete and total luxury that I am treating myself to. I am taking an entire week off from work and all I have to do is train like a professional cyclist in a spectacularly beautiful location. Sometimes when I stop and think about how lucky I am, I can't really believe that I am this lucky.

I have moments of sadness wishing that I had someone to share all of this with. I have moments of feeling almost guilty that I get to experience the beauty and joy of being here with the only purpose of riding my bike. Solvang is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been with its lush green, its colorful flowers, mountains, valleys, farms, vineyards, stunning views in every direction, and friendly biking roads. The town itself is quaint like a small village in Denmark.

The biking looks like it is going to be tough. I am going in with a naiveity about exactly what elevation changes we will be covering and what the routes are for each day. Do I really need to know or can ignorance be bliss until the moments when my quads are screaming for relief? I am only thinking about tomorrow, and only in enough detail so that I know roughly how much nutrition I need to put in my bottles. I don't want to overthink or worry about any one day. I have done hard rides before and I can do this. I plan to give it my best effort at all times and I will only judge myself based on knowing if I gave it 100%. I am not concerned with my skills relative to other riders because I am at where I am at right now and this week is about me getting stronger and learning about being a cyclist. This may be easier said than done, but I intend to make it an important mental practice this week.

Tonight I had dinner with the other campers and got a chance to meet everyone briefly. I think I do come in with the advantage that I have been riding outside a lot recently. Some people here have bikes and wheelsets that cost more than my total net worth including my car, bike, and all of my savings. If I were a white male in my 40's maybe I would have that too, but even though it can be a bit intimidating I think I am doing ok for a 30 year old single woman. I feel very lucky just to have the chance to be here.

chilling out in austin

I'm training in Austin Texas this winter, and who knows, I may just stay a while. There is a record amount of snow (for all time) in Wisconsin and I was getting a little cranky having to bike on the trainer and run on the treadmill all the time. The weather in Austin is ideal for training - 70 and sunny nearly every day. Well, except today when it is 45 and rainy. That's not a problem because it is allowing me to take a little breather from my usual early morning Saturday training and lay in bed with my laptop surfing the web. My window is open and I am listening to the birds sing and the rain drops fall, and feeling the cool air on my nose and fingers while the rest of me is warm under my down comforter. I don't get mornings like this very often. Usually I would have already gotten in 50 miles on the bike by now.

I'm back!

I am recovered from Ironman and starting off the 2007 season. I decided to start writing here again. My first race of the year is coming up this weekend - the Arizona Rock and Roll Marathon in Phoenix. My goal - run a 3:40 and qualify for the Boston Marathon. I have been training hard since October and am ready to do this.

I did it!

I did it! And I made my time goals and I had a great day! Final time 13:01

I am working on a complete race report, which I will post here when I am done. I have a lot of photos and will post some of those here as well.

One Day To Go

It is the day before Ironman.

I met CC at the swim start for a very short swim. She was testing out two different wetsuits to decide which one to wear for the race. I got in the water, swam for ten minutes out, and then for ten minutes back. The water was choppy on the way back and it was foggy, which made it very hard to see the buoys. On the plus side, the water felt like a nice warm bath compared to the air temperature. CC and I chatted on shore for a while after our swim. My friends CH, J, and RVH stopped by and I introduced everyone. There was a nice positive energy there and a lot of excited anticipation for tomorrow.

After the swim I went on a short run and a short bike ride. I am nervous about the weather for tomorrow and am not sure what clothes I am going to wear. I keep going back and forth about what I should pack. I don't want to overdress and have to carry things, but I don't want to freeze. I don't own the right gear to be comfortable in rain. I went to the store and bought a bike rain jacket, but am not sure if it is quite right.

CC picked me up at 2 and we went down to the Terrace to drop off our bags and our bikes. She did a run-through of both transitions with me so I know where I will have to go. That was very helpful to me, because it is complicated and doesn't seem to be explained anywhere.

I ate a bowl of plain pasta at 3pm and a personal pizza at 6pm. I wasn't that hungry, but I figured I need to eat extra. I was stuffed after the pizza, so hopefully those extra calories will come in handy tomorrow. Bedtime 7:30pm.

Two days to go

REST Day

Three days until the race. I am getting more and more nervous. This is really going to happen. There is so much time to anticipate everything that could go wrong that it is making me crazy. I have some lists of tasks to do so I am trying to just do what I need to do and know that things always work themselves out on race day.

I went down to the water today to meditate this morning before returning to registration for another shift. As I was wandering by, 9-time Ironman world champion Paula Newby Fraser was giving a talk. I stopped to listen for a while. She had some great race day advice about making sure to go as hard as you go in training. She said that she sees a lot of athletes that go hard in training but hold back too much during the race. She said that on the run your legs will no doubt feel shredded but not they are not too shredded to run on so you have to just keep going. She said to push a little if you are feeling good because you are going to feel tired no matter what. I will think of this. She also said that everyone is nervous, and even she herself is usually very very nervous and sick to her stomach.

I should not have signed up to work again this morning. Last year when I was not racing, it was no problem to work twice. This year, the athletes were giving me nervous anxiety. I didn't feel like talking with them anymore and I had trouble being friendly and cheerful while explaining everything. I would have wanted a better registration experience than I could give to these people and I felt bad about not being able to provide them with that. 30 minutes in I was ready to go and I did end up leaving an hour early. CC came to my line to deal with a registration issue and I left with her to go outside and eat a sandwich and decompress.

I spent the afternoon preparing my transition bags and special needs bags. I also went to the store to get the food I want to eat before and during the race. There are so many details to remember, I am freaking out about forgetting something or not having thought of everything. My five bags are all laid out on my living room floor with their contents on top.

This evening was the race dinner and athlete meeting. CC and I met down at the Terrace so we could sit together. The meal was a complete carb-fest with pasta and sauce, bread, potatoes, salad, and cooked vegetables. No protein in sight! We talked to two guys across the table from us - one of whom had just done Ironman Germany a month ago, and one like me for whom this would be his first Ironman. The dinner program was entertaining and funny, hosted by Mike, the voice of Ironman... the guy who announces at the finish line that "You [fill in name], are an Ironman!". They played a game with the audience to see who had lost the most weight training, and it was a woman who had lost 101 lbs! They gave her a deluxe scale and she was very modest about the whole thing. They also featured the youngest and oldest male and female athletes. The ages for the women was 67 and 19, and for the men 77 and 18. The event was fun, and I have now started to wonder if maybe I should sign up for next year after all. I feel so lucky to be a part of this...

Three days to go

Swim - 1.2 miles, lake
Bike - 20 miles

The swim course is measured off and one line of the buoys are up. I went down to the swim start today to preview the course as part of the official Gatorade sponsored morning swims. Many of the athletes have arrived. It was a cool morning with a beautiful sunrise. My friend CC was floating in the water out at the start when I got in. We talked a little about where we would place ourselves on race day in order to get a good draft. I am thinking that I will put myself towards the back of the first third. I swam a loop of the course at an easy pace and swam back to shore in 39 minutes. The water was a perfect comfortable temperature.

There is an Ironman backpack that I have had my eye on for two years and finally was able to buy today. I didn't allow myself to buy any Ironman stuff until I was actually doing the race. It has been a long wait but I know I earned every bit of that backpack :) I also got some Ironman run shorts, socks, a waterbottle, and a winter hat. It was hard not to buy the whole store. I will get a few more things when I finish and I have so much stuff now that I am now nearly in danger of not being able to go out of the house without wearing something that says Ironman.

I worked Ironman registration from 9-1 giving people their packets and explaining about their numbers, bike stickers, and gear bags. Since I was working, CC and I were allowed to go through the line first for registration as guinea pigs to test out the procedure. This was perfect because it meant that we didn't have to wait in a two hour line. As the first people through, the procedure was a little rough around the edges and some of the volunteers didn't quite know what they were doing. I enjoyed working and talking to the athletes. I was in a good mood and really excited for the race.

After my volunteer shift, I went to the bike shop and figured out my issues with putting air in my Zipp wheels. I got some CO2 to practice with and it turns out that luckily my CO2 pump works with the Zipp valves even though my normal pump does not. I practiced filling it with 100% success. So my solution to flats is now set. On race morning, I will have to find a pump to fill the tires though. That is not ideal and may create some stress, but someone there is sure to have one of the "smart pumps", as they call them, that will work. One of about 1000 anxieties down.

I went on a short ride with my race setup and stopped at my friend BH's house to borrow a rain jacket. It may or may not rain on Sunday but I want to be ready for it. Anxiety 2 of 1000, down.

keeping calm

Bike - about 15 miles, 54 min
Run - 2 miles, 17:30

So after all my tire struggles yesterday, there were no issues during my ride this morning. At least I know I can successfully change a tire. The Ironman people are starting to arrive in Madison. They are out swimming the course and walking around. Ironman North America has arrived at the Terrace and began setting up this morning.

I am feeling more nervous and anxious today than yesterday. I am so excited to be participating this year, after several years of only seeing Ironman from the outside. My mind tells me that I am ready because I know I have done the training. I have visualized the race about a million times in my head, but has reality sunk in that I am actually going to do this? That's what I am not sure of. I am worried about the unknowns of how my nutrition and pacing strategy will work, and I am worried about the fact that there is a chance of rain. I am still worried about getting a flat.

I feel lucky to be so well supported by all my friends who are coming to see me and I feel lucky that I am able to compete in something so amazing. With volunteering, preparing myself to race, and going to Ironman-related events, the next four days are going to be intense 24-7 Ironman. I know what my last preparations are, so I just need to do them... calmly and relentlessly like my mantra from training says. This is the final stretch.

tire anxiety

Swim - 1.2 miles, 36 min
Run - 5 miles, 41:30

Both of these were solid efforts. At this point, everything I do is just to keep my body feeling sharp. Nothing too taxing or long. It was a beautiful morning. I am putting off my gear preparations and special needs bags making until Friday because I don't want to spend the entire week stressed about it.

The Zipp 606 valve stems are giving me some trouble because they aren't the standard shape and don't fit my air pump very well. I got some extenders and those are even harder to deal with, so I am back to the originals. I practiced changing two tires and punctured a tube while attempting to put the air pump on one of the valves. What I really need to do is practice with the C02 cartridges that I will have with me on race day. This all makes me nervous. I am praying that I do not get a flat.

rain?

Bike - 24 miles, 90 minutes

The weather forecast for Ironman day says rain and high of 65. So much for my heat acclimation. Now it's time for cold and wet acclimation. I went biking in the rain this morning to see what it would be like. It wasn't too bad, but I feel like I need to be more cautious at high speeds and my brakes aren't as quick. I wore my nylon rain jacket (not aero, and not completely waterproof) to keep some of the water off. If it truly is going to rain for the race, I would like to get a waterproof jacket that fits closely. The rain came down on and off and I began to get a little cold. 90 minutes in the rain was fine, but 13 is another story. I have been through so much, that I kind of feel like one more adversity doesn't matter. On the other hand, a sunny day would make the whole thing just that much more pleasant. It is too soon to know for sure what will happen so I can't get too worried. As long as the swim is not cancelled for lightening, I feel like I can deal with whatever comes up.

short all three

Swim - 1.2 miles, one lap of the IM course, easy - 40 min
Bike - 32 miles, 2:10 - Monona Terrace to Verona and back, easy out and harder back
Run - 4 miles, 36 min - on IM run course, solid effort

These distances felt short today - by the time I got warmed up in each sport it was time to go to the next one. I stayed completely on the course for this workout and practiced visualizations. For the bike it took me about 15 miles for my legs to start feeling warmed up. I need to go easy at first anyway so I made myself do this for practice. The run was the typical dead legs for the first mile and then feeling fine after that.

Now that my body is getting rested, somehow I feel like it is be getting harder to push. When everything hurt anyway, it felt the same to go hard or easy. Now my body is back to "normal" and going hard is hard again.

ironman bipolar

Swim - 2.5 miles, 1:17 - ironman course swim with 4 x 0.6 miles @ race pace on 30 sec recovery

One day I feel like I am not prepared for Ironman, and the next day I feel like I have things in the bag. Ironman bipolar. Today's swim was reassuring. I swam the course at a hard but sustainable pace and took three 30 second rest intervals. Including the rest and going completely off course at the end, I still came in just above my target race time. I now feel confident that I will have no trouble going under 1:15 on race day. Whew! I know I shouldn't split hairs over my swim time since a few minutes is insignificant over the course of a 13 hour race, but I feel like I am on a personal mission to achieve my swim goal regardless of how little the time matters to the rest of the race. After the swim I striped off my wetsuit and ran up the spiral of the Monona Terrace barefoot in my swimsuit as though it were the race. Then I got yelled at by a parking attendant who thought I should not be doing that. She had no idea what Ironman is when I told her what I was doing, and no sympathy whatsoever.

Lots of iron people were out swimming the course this morning. Many of them also had their bikes in their cars in order to do a post-swim ride on the course. I like this sense of community. It gets a little intense knowing that all these people are probably just as stressed out as me with ironman bipolar as they are getting in their final brick workouts this weekend.

I had a personal issue come up after my workout due to a very odd coincidence of two people who happened to be standing on the shore at the same exact moment. I don't usually share these sorts of details on this blog, but suffice it to say that dealing with these things amidst my training is what I consider my fourth discipline of triathlon.

self-doubt creeping in

Swim - 3000yd, 57 min - main set: 5 x 400 with first 200 moderate, second 200 at sprint race pace, 30 seconds recovery between
Bike - 14.5 miles, 60 min - easy recovery ride
Yoga - 60 minutes, Hatha

My Zipp 606 race wheels came today and I took them out on a test ride. They are fast! I feel like I can go about 1 mph faster on them using the same effort as before. Over 112 miles, that is a large time savings. They also look cool. I also put new cleats on my bike shoes, which was a while overdue.

As the race gets closer, now only 9 days away, the more I question if I am ready for it. I haven't trained long in 2 weeks now... what if I am losing my fitness? I know that this is normal pre-race nerves. I know that many first-time Ironman athletes worry a lot during the taper. With more time for rest, I am getting out of the triathlon-obsessed mode of living that I am used to. Will I be able to do the most intense race of my life when at this point I wonder whether my head is there? I have visualized the race so many times during training that maybe I can go on autopilot. I know the course inside and out. I know my comfortable training paces, but will I be able to stick with them and not go out too hard so that I can still have a good run? Will my nutrition work? Will my stomach get upset? Will I get enough calories on the bike so that I don't crash on the run? If I do crash on the run, will gels and energy drinks be able to get me through or will I crash even more from all the sugar? Will I get a flat tire? If I do get a flat tire, will I be able to change it quickly and will my CO2 cartridge work? And then I think, why I am doing this anyway? Why does it matter to me if I do well? Couldn't I just be happy with finishing at all? This is not the mental state I want to take to the race. I have worked too hard for this to give up now.

What will I do after Ironman is over? I am feeling depressed about the end of the training season and am wondering what I will do to keep myself from sinking into despair during my recovery period. All this training fills a lot of space in my life that I will have to immediately fill with other things. My eating and sleeping patterns will also change. These are things I have come to rely on. There are many difficult mental aspects of Ironman. For me, the peak of training was about having the strength to push myself to keep going when I was exhausted. Now, the taper is filled with self-doubt and constantly changing emotions. I must continue to have the strength to turn doubt into positivity until Ironman is over, and then deal with the aftermath when it arrives.

... turnaround ...

Run - 7 miles, 1:02 - speed workout: 4 x 1 mile @ 7:34, 7:27, 7:02, 7:25 w/ 90 second recovery on rolling hills

i used to run after you
in desperation for admiration
of another but now
i run after you
in the inspiration of your admiration
and a lingering goodbye

who knew that hilly
mile repeats
could be
so good